I am looking for some advice about Parent Communication logs. I have seen several offers on social media for "packages" being sold that contain templates and advice for organizing a Parent Communication log, but I am hesitant to just jump into one and find it's not what I am looking for. I had started my own some time ago, a "simple" excel sheet, this worked for the first month or so of our separation. Then it quickly became a daunting to-do to keep updated and I've realized I need to start over again with something different. My question to the group: what are resources you "couldn't have done it without" and for anyone who's had a similar experience, what did you find worked best for documenting simply but effectively?
Backstory: I am about 6 months in to separation in a high-conflict divorce with an ex who is unwilling to co-parent (or even, parallel parent) effecively. The messages I have received are all over the place: financial control/unwilling to contribute for children's medical and school needs, refusal to follow court orders in multiple areas, scheduling logistic challenges, one-sided arguments over trivial matters, denying communication with the children... There is a documented injury he caused to one of the children with a hard "poke" when he was angry, and this was reported to the school. DCS got involved, but no case has come of this incident yet (and may not). He removed my favorite cat from the home, she got injured in his care, and he has been unwilling to provide adequate care for her. An initial proposal for dividing assets and debts was sent to his legal team weeks ago, and no response has been heard. I feel like this is because he disagrees with the valuation and concept of child support--which, initially we did not calculate, but given the fact he does not provide financially for medical or pay for school lunches during his time, feels appropriate now. This is drawing this whole divorce out longer than it needs to be-- and I am incurring legal fees each time I have to address problem behavior. Which, in individual incidents isn't really the "worst" but when shown in a pattern just including the last 6 months of interactions could add weight. I'm not talking 10-15 poorly handled conversations, I am likely in the "40-50 examples" range of message exchanges that have been ignored, dismissed, or turned into legal threats.
The courts have communicated a date where final agreements need to be made, or a court date set. This is for the end of July, which now means I need to get in gear on this. I do not see us reaching agreements at this point. Then we add in the heaviness of creating this document for court-- I won't be able to get it done if I don't start now. I have avoided doing it because of the emotional toll it takes on me, and I think finding a template I like may help me "fill in boxes" versus starting over from scratch. My initial thought is to break it down into categories, but what those should be I am not sure: financial, logistic, communication, court order infraction and ____. I feel like I am missing some? Is color coded line items really a thing that is helpful? I have text messages printed to a PDF, and my next step is to identify which "pages" of these messages are relevant to the case. then I only need to print the important ones as "exhibits". My lawyer has been less helpful here, a little dismissive of each interaction so I am not getting advice on that end. That and I get charged by the email, so documenting each small issue seems expensive versus building a solid communication log and "being done with it".
My fear is that I show up to court either too "overprepared" with my giant binder and just make the judge roll his eyes at me. Or, that I underprepared by not documenting in a precise way that earns me credibility, shows stability, and that my requests are reasonable. I don't want to fight about the cat anymore, or child support... maybe get some of my personal property back or some cash to repurchase things he took. There are troubling interactions that put long-term 50/50 custody plans in jeopardy, and potentially enough examples that if presented right could alter that arrangement. I expect I will need to settle with 50/50 then request modification when this behavior inevitably continues but...there's hope I can do it now. At least, build solid records that patterns have existed over time. Biggest issue is making myself do it-- to relive each of these moments once more to break them down into a presentable document. Encouraging words and advice of how I handle this part of the process would be appreciated!