My mom doesn't want me on pills
I am still a minor and I've been dealing with depression since I was a kid, a few months ago I started having really frequent panick attacks, my mom got concerned and forced me to go to therapy even though I didn't want to, I got diagnosed with functional depression, dysthimia, and generalized anxiety, after some sessions my therapist told me "You can't seem to get better on your own" and suggested recommending me to a psychiatrist, my mom pulled me out of therapy saying that she doesn't want me to depend on medicine, I get that but I am tired of living how I do, everyday I think about how good it would be to finally die, I don't remember ever enjoying anything, I have friends but even them don't help, I have no motivation to keep living, my mom is good mom and I feel guilty for making her worry, I know therapy and pills are expensive but I want to at least try it for a small while and see if it helps, I don't know how to convince her or talk about it. I have now been off therapy for months, obviously I am not getting any better