I know it’s been asked before, but how do I deal with mom and wedding planning when she’s already paid for the venue?
My mom is overbearing to the point that once I moved out I never came back to live in the same state as my family. She critiques all of my choices in just about anything and always has some sort of negative “advice” that can ruin pretty much anything I’m excited about.
I knew wedding planning would be tough, but it’s gotten worse and worse as I’m waiting for a blow up. I feel like she’s trying to be better and listen to what I want but I can tell she doesn’t like my colors (pastel multicolor) because she thinks a wedding should have one main color. She doesn’t like I want my bridesmaids in different dresses. I showed her the invitations that my fiance and I picked out and she said “oh no… do you want my opinion” and I said “no, these are the ones we liked after looking”. I talked to my dad about it later and he said with her you have to convince her to see your side and she just wants to be involved. He also said well we’re paying, so we have to be involved. I said well then we’ll get the invitations and he wasn’t happy about that either. I understand that, but even if I do get my way after she’s made comments about it and criticized it and sent me links to why it’s not ideal for a wedding, I dont even know what I want anymore. Even if I get it the way I like, it won’t matter because it will make me upset that she doesn’t like it. She has a way of ruining a mood. My fiance says I just need to let that go and let her not like it but once I do that it sort of ruins it for me.
I presented several options for venues, and one that was significantly cheaper than the one we got, and they liked the expensive one and we foolishly went ahead and booked it. I should have known that the money would be about control. They went to their friends daughters wedding recently and she will make comments like “it’s better than ——-‘s wedding venue I think”, making me think a lot of this is a way for her to show off to her friends and not about my wedding and what I like as much. I included her on a call with a wedding planner (which she doesn’t want to have but thankfully the venue requires it), and she cut her off at one point and said “we just need someone day of because we have to”. My fiance and I liked this planner and wanted to use her for recommendations and day of.
They won’t specify the budget so I can shop in that budget, they just now started saying the entire budget was what they spent on the venue. I feel like she doesn’t want me to have a number so that she can belly ache about every dollar. I’m waiting to hear that im ungrateful and snotty and I’m just waiting for the blowup to come. I don’t even care about the money at this point, I’d just go to the courthouse to get it over with. I haven’t had any money from them since graduating college, and I’m reminded as to why I can’t take anything from them.
She’s been better in recent years but she always had a comment about how I look in clothes, she has very conservative taste and my body shape just is what it is, and stuff pops up and out more. I’m dreading dress shopping because I don’t want to hear negative comments on all of the dresses that I like.
I want to not have a big fight beforehand because it will ruin my wedding, but I want my wedding to be something that I remember as MY wedding. I don’t need the top of the line packages, but the things I do want, like lounge seating, are going to be a problem. If I had known the budget was the venue I wouldn’t have gone with it. I don’t know what to do with her at this point or how to handle it. My dad is very reasonable, but he backs her up 100% of the time and idk how he could help me here. I want to give the money back but the contract is signed. How did anyone deal with a similar situation?