u/Apprehensive-Wish330

Title. Some of my favorites are JJK, MHA, Death Note, AoT, Solo Leveling. I need something that’s going to resonate with me and give me hope/the strength to get through this divorce.

If so, how was it? Are they just mediators? Only asset in the divorce is our house which was purchased last year. As far as marital debt, we have a loan from the wedding which was also last year. Just for reference.

Something has been super off to me. She gets her hair done a few hours away, but today when I checked her cars location after her appointment to see if she was on the way home, it had been stopped somewhere for over an hour. None of her friends live in the area where the car was and something wasn’t sitting right with me.

I decided to logon to her Mac and check her text messages. Full blown fucking affair man. Back in February we were talking about getting pregnant and all of a sudden she stopped bringing it up. In the texts she told him she was going to try soon and asked if he had feelings for her as she would wait if he said yes. Fast forward a little bit and she’s telling him that he’s her person, they’re talking about taking baths together, etc. I feel fucking gutted man.

Part of me wants to bring it up, but I don’t know if that’s the right approach. Should I just start contacting lawyers and put it in the papers?

Tuesday at therapy it’s “I don’t even want to discuss anything. I’m over it.”
Wednesday it’s not talking to me even though I tried to break the ice in the morning with a simple hey. Got a stare back.
Thursday is chatty patty all day as if nothing happened.
Today it’s “I’m going to be gone for most of the day?” “Oh ok, where are you going?” “Just out.”

And please spare me from the “she’s seeing the other guy” comments. Not everyone’s wife is cheating on them. I can see her location and I’m pretty sure she’s going to the spa, but why not just say that????

Yikes! Our therapist started off by saying she could sense tension (it was palpable). She opened up the floor and of course my wife said she didn’t want to discuss anything. Completely defeating the purpose of being at the session.

Now I can admit, I was the source of the tension. Over the week I isolated myself in the guest room (which she banished me to 3 weeks ago). I barely came out, didn’t eat for ~40 hours. I was mad at a few things, those being:

1: I had an interview Thursday and didn’t get a good luck, hope it goes well, nothing. Just a see ya/bye.

2: after said interview, I went out to lunch with a friend. He asked if I was going to his place (out of state) when my wife comes in a few months to go to a concert with his wife. Completely blindsided me. Didn’t know it was a thing.

Now I had previously expressed to my wife that I was struggling mentally, badly. Nothing felt fun anymore. Being a homeowner absolutely sucks and is a money drain. We don’t do anything fun at all. One would think this trip would be a fun weekend. Don’t care about the concert, but we could’ve gone together, seen the city, etc. Nope. Gave her all Friday to bring it up, nada. Just bullshit conversation because she wants to keep things “normal.”

What is normal about kicking me out of the bedroom and then asking me why I didn’t know on a door in my own house? What is normal about saying “oh you’re still showering in here?” when you see coming out of the bathroom. What is normal about not wishing someone good luck on an interview?

All of these things caused me to spiral and I reverted to some defense mechanisms I developed as a child which is isolation/silence. I did apologize Monday morning stating I know how I reacted was wrong and that I’m trying to stop doing that, but it’s hard sometimes. I’m on antidepressants just so I can get out of this space. It’s not somewhere I want to be.

Fast forward to the session, she drops a bomb that she can’t say anything to me because I “make it about my mental health.” Again, super invalidating after I told her I was struggling mentally. She said as soon as things got tough, I retreated and how she would never because she’s faced adversity in her life. That really set me off because I’ve also faced adversity. Between her nagging, this house, issues with family, it became too much to bear and I broke a bit.

I regret telling her so much. I regret a lot of things actually. I wish we had called off the wedding (2025) when she had hinted at it.

I won’t say I feel stuck because I know what my options are. At this point I just want to contact our realtor and tell him to list it, but we’ve been in it less than a year unfortunately. I’ve also scoped out where I would live. A place with a gorgeous view of the city to feel ALIVE again.