I'm a 20 year old trans guy, I started hrt about a month and a week ago, and I never had any sexual or romantic relationships yet. But for a long time now, and even by myself, I've been experiencing creepling sexual dysphoria.
Let me elaborate. I don't have bottom dysphoria in itself, I'm very okay with my 🐱, I don't think there is anything wrong about being a man with one, and I don't want bottom surg either. And all of those things are okay. My issue is when even thinking about sex. I'm terrified... of touching and especially penetration. I'm scared of feeling good or being vulnerable, I'm scared of being seen as only my body parts or as less of a man, I'm terrified of being seen differently after intimacy, I'm genuinely scared to death of trusting the wrong person with my body. I generally think I'm flexible in regards to toping or bottoming, I like to think I would prefer to top because it doesn't make me feel like shit when I think about it, but would also like to bottom without having to do buttstuff every single time, and just enjoy the experience of both.
I know being vulnerable or feeling good with my body is not wrong, and it doesn't make me any less of a man, but I also don't know how to activately teach my brain that those things are okay.
I really need advice on how to cope or get rid of it.
If anyone has any advice in regards to it or a great experience they would like to share, or just tell me how you feel about this even if you feel the same so i know I'm not alone, I would be so incredibly grateful!
(Sorry for reaping the words "scared" and "terrified" so much, I just can't think of other words to better express myself.)