Im handling this in the worst way.
My partner of 7 years came out to me earlier this week as non-binary/ trans. They mentioned to me that they have felt like they have been experiencing gender dysphoria but are not sure. I have had a feeling about this for a while but really wanted to be supportive and an anchor for them through this journey and give them space to figure out and grown into themselves. As a female presenting bisexual human I thought that this would be totally fine. Because I like men and I like woman, perfect right?
Unfortunately, Ive been taking the news way harder than I expected. It feels like I’m grieving a future that was never going to happen. We had been preparing to get engaged and have been planning our lives out together, our 7 year dating anniversary is next week so this feels like a big pivot. I have fallen in love with my partner in their entirety, even the parts they disliked in themselves I found and still find beautiful. Knowing now that these dislikes were rooted in something much deeper than just minor inconveniences.
These dislikes will be slowly removed like shedding a skin, allowing them to turn into someone closer to their heart. I should be celebrating them. But I cant help but wonder how I fell so in love with someone’s most disliked version of themselves. Their soul still shines the same, but our future feels blurry. It feels like it’s being slightly left behind, I’m sure it will break down, decompose and slowly fuel a new vibrant life for us. But for now I grieve the shedding of a future that feels like it was never guaranteed in the first place.
I dont want to have resentment towards my partner, but am also so unsure whether or not I will be still be romantically attracted to them at the end of this process. I feel selfish and bad that I cant guarantee our future together, I’m just lost on what to do.