How do I [21F] deal with feeling jealousy over a friend's [20F] crush?
Context : I [21F] have this friend [20F], she is the first real friend I've ever had (was very lonely all throughout school and early college) and I've known her for a little bit under a year now, we've grown pretty close since.
Now the issue is twofold : I have a massive "crush" on her, and I am jealous of her crush [20M]. I say crush, what I feel towards her is something I've never experienced before, because I care for her deeply, but don't want anything physical like kissing or more. I don't want any of that. I'm pretty sure I'm straight so idfk what's going on
She's gorgeous, funny and we love making music together (musicology students), the times I'm with her are some of the best moments of my life. I've done so many new things I had never done before (sleepovers, hangouts, having someone to talk to day to day etc..), and I just enjoy her presence so much.
So I'm conflicted with my feelings because I don't think she feels just as much towards me as I do towards her because she's "unfortunately straight" (her words).
Now onto the second part of the issue, she's been seeing this guy, and I don't like him. He's been very hurtful towards her in the past, has a lot of unsolved stuff going on, and absolutely awful at communication. Just not so good vibes all around. Since then I noticed that she is less and less available to hangout and talk and whatnot and I try my best to not show that it kinda hurts when she goes to do stuff with him. I feel insanely jealous, like "it should be me instead". But why? I'm not romantically interested in her??? I just want to be her best friend. I just feel so obsessed, like I want to care for her and I worry that this guy will not be good for her. The feelings I have for her are motherly in a way but yet I feel jealousy over this guy, while I think I should be feeling more of a sort of worry???
What the hell is happening today me help 🥴
Ps: you'll excuse the English, I am French.