While she never necessarily cheated on me, early into our relationship i found a guy snapping her i’ve never heard of let’s call him Ian, he was an old friend from tennessee and they followed eachother on spotify. When i looked thru the texts there were screenshots and discussions of our relationship in there and it made me sick but i set a clear boundary that texting guys about our relationship behind my back makes me uncomfortable.
Anyways later into the relationship after one of our bad fights i got into her car and immediately a guy named (let’s call him) Preston started calling her phone, i asked why he was calling her because it wasn’t a usual person she talked to (to keep in mind Preston is an old friend for both of us and he’s very very chopped i am not concerned about her actually cheating with him at least.) and i look thru the messages and she had asked him if he was still in town trying to smoke a cig with him. Yes we were “broken up” but it was less than a day in and i don’t feel like my boundaries were respected still but she reassured me again and made me feel secure.
Those instances had made me very insecure and over think A LOT in our relationship (constantly checking snap score, following, looking at her notifications when her found was laying around [but never going thru it], constantly asking what she’s doing when she’s not responding or out with friends) and towards the end of our relationship she really did make me feel better about all of it and she hadn’t done any of that… (so i think.. who knows she’s a liar.)
Night of prom we had just got off of a 3 day break because we couldn’t stop arguing CONSTANTLY, it’s just been very draining for both of us, but things were good and she took our photo in the mirror and sent it to me but i saw Preston at her #2 spot on snapchat and i asked if i could see the messages because it was right after we got off break and i had some feeling. She has sent him easily 100 snaps back and forth between the both of them (to mind you she dosent snap me bout 4 times a day when we are together).. so i start replaying them because she has snap plus and they’re fucking talking about our relationship and how we’re broken up and then i get to one where she’s showing him her chest in a bikini where it is obviously bright out and she’s talking about us being on break. i asked her about it cuz wtf and she apologized profusely and told me she couldn’t really see her phone bc it was bright but she shouldn’t have been taking photos.
Well i chose to forgive her and move on again but something blew up the other day and now she’s mad at me and started defending all of those micro cheating actions and following people that she unfollowed in the beginning of our relationship.
She says that behavior isn’t even micro cheating but i know she’s invaliding my feelings or manipulating me and it sucks because i love her so much and she’s my first love and im young and i want it to work so bad but she’s so evil.
PLEASE HELP how do i move on or do i wait and see if time will heal because she said this was just space to heal and grow because we weren’t healthy but then she goes and follows dudes on insta so im lost and want to be done but i can’t be motivated i just cry like a fucking loser all the time. Any advice for what i should do?