My girlfriend 21F and me 20M. something happened I cant take out of my mind..
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So me and my girl have been together for almost a year and a half we both want to marry each other and were fully committed.
It has been a really beautiful journey with some bumps here and there like any couple would have.. we had arguments, and even sometimes break-ups got initiated like twice or so (mainly by her, but we reconnected together it wasn't easy, but the main thing that allowed it is me not giving up on our bond and staying despite the short-lived heart breaking. I chose to forgive her fully, and we promised this won't occur again). After the reconnection phase, we both felt our bond flourish beautifully, and things were smooth sailing even as for today.
The main reason I wanted to share this is because of something that happened in the past in our 8 month period, to be exact. At that time she traveled and we didn't talk for a while.. in the meantime, I worked at some place, and there was this girl who was being overly nice and initiating. This work involved teamwork, and in between, we'd get short breaks. The main thing that was very obvious on her end was that she was playing on her phone and told me to pull a chair next to her. Speed up a few days later, we used a platform to share things related to work. That's where she posted a story hinting to meeting an incredible person and so on.
The mistake I made here was the behavior I did towards all of this. I remember asking by mere curiosity and wonder (which i deeply regret now), and eventually, we talked in general about normal topics, and she even said whenever u want to talk, im always free. After about 5 days after I sent a music video, she blocked me, and I did the same, too. This whole interaction made me feel like I betrayed my girl and even after it passing on and the breakups happened and we reconnected this would always come up to me especially whenever im feeling good with her and were enjoying ourselves. It's like my mind saying you dont deserve this at all and that you're a hypocrite, and their thoughts are really beginning to overwhelm me. I remember even i did feel when I was talking to the other girl like, "wth am I doing?" I deeply regretted what happened, and I wish I never did what I did. i dont see myself the same way my girl sees me.
I want to know if this is a terrible cheating moment or a boundary slip. I didn't share any emotional feelings with the other girl, and there was no physical stuff or anything like that.
Im scared to tell her this. What you guys think i should do next?