My (22F) boyfriend (24M) broke up with me accusing me of lying about everything after I tried hard to make the relationship work. How do I stop blaming myself?
Basic info: I'm female, early 20s. He is male, similar age. We were together for a few months.
I recently came out of a physically, emotionally, and sexually abusive relationship. I was used, never complimented, never received any affection or gifts, and was treated very poorly. I entered this new relationship hoping for something healthy.
From the beginning, my new boyfriend was very possessive and distrustful. He asked about my ex, I told him the truth, but he accused me of lying about the timeline and hung up. That same night he ignored me but picked up his ex's call at 3 AM. He got angry when I liked a reel, interrogated me about my sexual history with my ex, and dismissed my trauma as "the universal script written by girls."
I also had 2 male friends that I hadn't told him about yet (I planned to tell him), but he found out and it became a big issue. There were other small things like posting a story in close friends and forgetting to remove one of his friends — he accused me of lying about that too.
I was constantly apologizing, over-explaining, and doing everything I could to make him feel secure because I wanted us to last forever. I felt like I was the burden and that everything was my fault. Yesterday I sent him a message saying if he wants to talk and clear things, he can text me. He read it and later told me he's not interested in talking anymore and broke up with me, saying I lied about everything.
TLDR:
Recently out of an abusive relationship, I tried my best in a new one but my boyfriend was constantly suspicious, had double standards, and dismissed my trauma. After multiple accusations (including about 2 male friends I hadn't mentioned yet and small mistakes), he broke up with me calling me a liar. I feel intense guilt and self-blame even though I was mostly honest. How do I move forward and stop feeling like everything was my fault?
I'm looking for advice on:
Is this level of distrust and reaction normal, or was the relationship unhealthy?
How do I deal with the guilt and self-blame after being accused of lying about everything?
Any perspective on whether I actually did something terrible by not mentioning the 2 male friends immediately?
Any genuine advice would help. Thank you.