My (28 F) boyfriend (31 M) is going on 3 days trip with ONS
Hey everyone so I need some outside perspective on this situation, because I don’t know if I am crazy on this… 11 month relationship.
So my bf is going on a 3 day vacation in two weeks with his friend group. There will be 8 people and two of them are women. They planned this vacation before we met.
He told me about the trip like 6 month ago, and the information were: the women are all taken, and with one of them (S) he had something but it was (like he said) “kindergarden” and she is married now.
So I’m not comfortable that he is doing a trip with women in the group, but it’s alright.
Fast forward, 2 weeks ago we get news, that S. is broken up with his husband. doesn’t make this situation better, but I’m silent.
Yesterday we got in a fight, and somehow we got to this topic with S, and I asked him what did they exactly had, and yes, it was one night stand ~7years ago. So in my world “kindergarden” is like flirting, maybe a kiss as teenagers, not an ONS at age 24. And after this information I don’t know how to deal with this whole situation and trip. I’m angry, anxious, sad and overthinking. I’m not comfortable with it, but I can’t tell him to not go there.
My boyfriend says I have to trust him, I’m overreacting and it won’t happen anything, and this is last vacation with her, and he can’t/ won’t cancel it. On one hand I believe and trust him, but on another hand this whole situation makes me so uncomfortable and miserable and unfair… it’s like (egoistic I know) Im suffering and he will be having fun. why do I feel like I’m the one who just has to swallow this and act okay?
P.S. I’m sure if the roles were reversed, he would be upset too, but I don’t have male friends, or contact with past ONS.
Update:
Thank you for all your responses. the comments to dump him… uff, reddit :)
Yes, I agree with you I’m anxious, controlling and my self esteem isnt the best. I have a “baggage” from my past 10 years long toxic relationship. But I’m in the therapy right now, and Saturday I have my second appointment, so I can also talk about this situation. I’m working on this, so that’s why I wanted some outside perspective.
He told me the truth after I asked for details, so I think there were no lie, just understatement.
Why I can’t go with them? Never talked about that, but the Airbnb is already booked (so I presume it’s full) and the trip is planed for the day of their deceased friend. I don’t want to be a “third” wheel in the group.
My decision is just leave it be, try just to cope with it and trust him. And I agree it’s a me problem.