TL:DR This is my first ever relationship 2-3 months in (I'm F18, he is 22). Ive noticed that we have different lifestyles when it comes to staying up, cleanliness, and deadline priorities. It has be wondering if this could work out. How do I tell him this without sounding like a Ahole? Ive been thinking about cutting it off for a while.
For context, this is my first ever relationship. I, F18, started dating (we will call him Bob M22) about 2-3 months ago. We live about an hour away. I am a college student who works part-time, and he works full-time. Due to this, we only get to see each other once a week. Since then, the honeymoon phase has started to disappear, and I'm seeing his true habits. Here is a list of things that are frustrating me:
- He plays for several hours a day. I'm all for having hobbies, but I'm not sure how good it is to be playing a game for 3/4 hours a day. This often causes him to go to bed at 12 am on a workday when he has to get up at 6 am. He also yells and cusses people out. He doesn't do this on a microphone, so no one but me is hearing it. I have seen him throw a controller and slam a table.
- Whenever I go over to his house, he will stay up later than I since he is playing video games. I don't mind going to bed before he does, but he ends up staying up until 3 am playing video games and then sleeps in until 12 pm. I usually will go to bed at 12 am, and get up at 9. I can occupy myself for a few hours, but it destroys any chance we have to do stuff in the morning.
- Im pretty sure he wears the same clothes for multiple days in a row. He doesn't smell, but I find it a bit concerning. I talked to him about if he thought he had depression and he said no.
- Ive mentioned other maturity things to him before (about the need for him to build his credit, save up, ect) in which I told him I need some sort of updates. I want him to do well and be successful, but hes 22 and Im a bit concerned that he doesn't have a credit card. I even showed him how to easily get one. I guess it's just an incompatibility with prioritizing things? I am a very planner-based person, and I like to know plans a few days in advance. He, however, is much more spontaneous. I feel like all he wants to do is lay in bed, and after working all week, I can't blame him for that. I don't feel like we do anything fun. Its always him gaming or watching tv.
BUT on the bright side, he is very nice. He responded to my complaints about my planning every date by planning the current one, and has been communicating with me more about his financial side of life. When I asked him to tidy up his place before I came over, he did. I feel like he is comfortable with his life and where he is at, but I am trying to build mine and move forward. I love him, but sometimes I don't feel like a priority.
This is my first ever relationship, and I know that I can't fix people, but he is showing some signs of listening to me. I date long-term. I guess I'm just stuck and confused. Has anyone dealt with something like this around the age that I'm at? How did it go? Is this something I should keep up with?