My family is well, kinda alright? I mean, my parents used to argue a lot when we were young and we were poor but outside of a few instances i cant say their anger was directed at us much of never(tho it was still traumatic to see their constant arguing, especially a few bad days)
Well, my issue is that i basically grew up...alone? Almost. My dad worked in another country, was home 3 months a year, my mom worked full time too. I have 3 older siblings with the smallest age gap of 4 years. When i was growing up my siblings were already doing their own thing with their group mostly. I wasnt phisically neglected, i was always fed and had someone be in my general area whenever but i can say that most of my younger years were spent alone or just sitting watching my older siblings and their friends do stuff.
My biggest issue is with my father, growing up i tended to side with my mother in arguments and saw my father as the villian (as an adult now i can see that they both kinda suck). Well, but that doesnt change how i viewed it for most or my childhood and how i carry it now. Thing is, i dreaded my father coming home. Because his presence meant they would fight (we lived in a small house, didnt have anywhere to run from it). I resented my father for coming home at all, because it was much more peacefull when they were apart.
My father was also a drunk, as to why we were poor. So him being home meant them arguing and him sleeping wherever he fell (he wasnt a violent or kind drunk, just the kind to drink and then fall asleep). As a kid i hated that, so i hated my father. Something i cant quite give up today.
They both still argue all the tike but its like they got tired, more silence treatment againsts eschother and calling all of us to tell us how bad the other one is.
Well, to get to the point.
I dont talk to my family, virtually at all outside of me needing something (i am being financially supported by them trough college) or them needing something from me. I dont dislike them, outside somewhaty father...im just so incredibly used to being alone that the thought of calling just to chat geniunenly doesnt come to be until im told to do whenever we do call for something, and then it slips my mind right after.
I feel guilty because i know they care and want to hear about my day and stuff but to me chatting just to...chat, with anyone, seems alien. I dont chat, if i or you dont have something to say specific im fine just sitting in silence/just not contacting each other. And they sacrifice a LOT to bring me and my siblings up, so yeah. I feel like i have to repay them.
They keep telling me to call but i just...dont.
Me and my siblings are on good terms, talk less with them than with parents. And im not really sure about when their birthdays are(or my parents for that matter, i tend to find out due to facebook)...thats the extenct of conversations i have with them. They are alright, but same thing as my parents.
Well, yeah. This may be lackluster because i dont really get it either. I have some resentment for my family but i dont really dislike them, more of a quiet resignantion. For me my family is just something i have back there, that i know i can turn to in case of emergencies...but not something very present in my mind and daily life.
This view towards relationships has spread in my personal life too, i dont really have any friends or even people im on friendly terms with. At uni if someone stops me to ask something general or school related i will have no issue answering, but it feels weird when they try to make small chat.
Also this is with my direct family, you can imagine extented where outside of 4 cousins and about 5 aunts/uncles i geniunely dont know the names of anyone even when we see eachother 3-4 times a year. Im the only grandchild that is not getting anything from my grandma's will lol, not because we are on bad terms but i think she geniunely forgets i exist sometimes, and im not really angry at that.
TL:DR ; I didnt really grow up around an active family scene so im very disconected from them, and i feel guilt for that.