the urge to leave it all behind and GO.
I just hit 19 , and if anybody asked me what's the most exciting thing you've ever did or experienced I would absolutely blank out, Not knowing what to say cause I got nothing original or natural that I did that worth calling "EXCITING", And this is really stressing me out cause I feel like I wasted my teen years for absolutely nothing.
My life hasn't been really busy at all specially my academic life. I wasn't the best student , not even one of the best and not because I'm not intelligent ,smart or anything ,and I'm not gonna lie, I wasn't even paying attention to studying.
I used to not know the reason behind me not studying and because I was a kid I just blamed and kept telling myself that I'm the reason. and of course I did believe in that cause my family kept assuring me that I am.
As I got older I started to be more aware of my personality and how I function(and its the complete opposite of the way you have to function in my country in order to keep living) and more aware of the life around me and my country's situation, education system etc. And I can tell you that it's corrupted and one of most draining, non-humanly kinds of life you could possibly live ,*not talking on behalf of anyone*. And that bec my whole perspective on life is so different from the people around me and my whole country's way of living.
I lean for my freedom so much and its not so easy for me to give it up for the sake of anything else (I don't know if this is a problem but yeah this is really what I am),I don't believe in academic learning at all, I actually hate it like pure hatred. But unfortunately its the only way to at least surviving (if you're lucky enough 😄 ).
And example of what is my country about , I really love nature and i believe that its essential for our bodies to actually keep functioning, and because I'm so lucky to be here, almost nature places (that I like) cost you a whole bunch of money to be in it, and its driving me insane.
I really love cooking, music ,art , and a lot of creative things that I believe it will make me feel alive, fulfilled, and maybe successful, But I study business ( even the thought of dropping is forbidden ).
I really tried to cope and accepting that this is my reality, But I really feel like my body isn't accepting it anymore and I can do nothing about it.