I know it might be stupid asking this question but I want some advice to understand whether I need a professional help or I am just overthinking
I don’t have friends like, at all I tried to find someone but it usually backfired , I have barely gone outside for 3 months now , I live with my parents but I don’t talk to them either and I don’t want tbh they never understood me. every day I ask myself the same questions why am I here ? What the point of me living? will someone truly understand or love me? I feel guilty for my personality, for being too distant, for irritation with my family. I constantly want to be just alone , i have never been truly happy therefore I am in a chase of happiness, idk i just lost meaning in everything, sometimes i do think about death and I maybe would like to not exist anymore but I am afraid. I don’t want to hear things like go to the gym, read, go for a walk, try to join activities, I’ve done all of these before, it doesn’t help moreover I don’t have social media to scroll I watch only YouTube for educational purposes and read books, it used to help me , but now it’s just dull everything is.