I am a mixed woman, primarily African and I look like a regular mixed black woman. My boyfriend and his family are Indian. We live in the Caribbean. Also sorry for the long post.
Earlier today, I (18F) was on my boyfriend’s (18F) phone watching reels. He was very occupied with his friends and my curiosity got the better of me so I decided to do some snooping on his phone. I know reddit does not typically like phone snooping but he’s very comfortable with me using his phone and he has given me the okay to peruse it whenever i see fit. I don’t think he’s cheating on me or anything, I just wanted to see what he’s been saying to people about me recently. So, I searched my name in the search bar of his messaging app.
Before I say what I found in his phone. I think it’s necessary to mention that my boyfriend has a strained relationship with his parents. I strongly believe he hates his dad and he’s on the road to hating his mom. When we move in together in a few months, he has told me he plans to go fully no contact with his father and maintain very low contact with his mother. I fully support this as his parents are extremely harsh on him. They constantly verbally abuse him and often times his mother even physically abuses him. The verbal abuse is so disgusting and honestly uncalled for because he’s extremely successful, especially for his age. He has a job, he owns a business with his best friend and he’s in university.
I’ve met his parents quite a few times and I try my best to be friendly and respectful because I don’t want them to dislike me and give his parents another reason to criticize him. Unfortunately, I seem to have been unsuccessful. The texts were from Wednesday and i’m going to paraphrase what was said by my boyfriend.
“Didn’t you hear what dad said about [My Name]? About how I am incapable of getting an Indian girlfriend and [My Name] only likes me because she doesn’t have a father? … You guys are disgusting. … I can’t believe you sat there and let him talk about my girlfriend that way and you didn’t say anything”
These series of text messages from my boyfriend completely shocked me as i’ve never experienced racism in my life until now. I recall in the beginning of our relationship, I asked my boyfriend if his parents would be okay with my race. I asked this because in my country it’s very common for Indian parents to be displeased with their children being in interracial relationships. My boyfriend assured me his parents were not like that and I believed him.
By the way I’d just like to clarify I do have a father, we just don’t have a good relationship and my parents split a very long time ago so I don’t see him very often. I slept at my boyfriend’s house the past weekend and on Sunday morning I was having a conversation with his mother in which she asked about my parents. She asked what my dad does for work and I just simply said “I don’t know” because quite frankly I don’t like talking about him since he’s not like super active in my life so i didn’t think it important to say what he does for a living. He’s a taxi driver by the way. And honestly you guys can judge me all you want but i’m pretty ashamed of admitting that so for the past few years anytime someone asks me about his work, I have that same response of “I don’t know”. I figure that conversation with his mother was relayed to his father and that’s where they got the idea that i’m fatherless.
Some time ago I was in bed with my boyfriend and I decided to ask him if his parents have ever said anything bad about me. He flat out told me no and even doubled down on it. He said there was nothing for them to talk about and asked me what could they have to say about me. I had no answer to that question and he continued to deny it. I didn’t push the matter any further because I don’t want to admit I snooped on his phone. I don’t like that he lied to me but maybe he was trying to protect my feelings? I don’t know man I really need some unbiased opinions on this.