AITAH for giving my FWB "boyfriend treatment"?
I (26M) met Maria (24F) at a friend's birthday party a few months ago. She was cute, funny, and seemed really into me, so I of course asked her out for drinks the next day. While on our date, she told me she wasn't looking for anything serious. l I told her this worked perfectly for me- I recently got out of a 3 year relationship, so wasn't looking to rush back into anything. She slept over at mine that night, and has continued to sleep over at mine 1-2 times a week since then.
Our arrangement was working nicely (or so I thought). Every night with Maria was a night of great sex and great company, and I genuinely consider her a friend. Occasionally we'll go see a movie or have dinner. In another world I might have considered getting serious, but we have some fundamental incompatibilities- I want kids and she doesn't (which we've discussed), our career paths wouldn't mesh long term, etc.
Last week, I made a Hinge profile out of boredom. I had only been on there a day, but one of Maria's friends saw my profile, screenshotted it, and sent it to her. Maria sent me the screenshot saying "Seriously?", then called me, yelling at me as if I'd cheated on her.
When I brought up that she was the one who said she didn't want anything serious first, she got upset and said that "If I'm not trying to be serious, I shouldn't be doing boyfriend shit." When I asked her what she meant, she cited a few things, including paying for food/movies, making breakfast for her in the morning, opening doors for her, and giving her a birthday present (a graphic novel she had mentioned wanting to read).
Taking these point by point:
- Paying for things: I make a very good salary, while Mia is a grad student (read: broke), so it didn't seem reasonable to make her spend what little money she does make.
- Making breakfast: I love to cook, and frequently make breakfast for myself. Doubling recipes isn't any trouble; I would (and often do) happily make breakfast for any overnight guest.
- Holding doors: My folks were HUGE on chivalry- holding doors, walking women to their vehicles/train stop at night, offering your jacket when it's cold, all that stuff. They beat that shit into me as a kid. As such, chivalry comes as second nature.
- Birthday presents: I buy all my friends birthday presents.
This was a few days ago, and while Mia hasn't responded to my texts, I heard through a mutual friend that she's upset that I "led her on". I looked through our texts/thought back to our conversations to see if there's something I said that would qualify as "leading on", but I couldn't find/think of anything- no "I love yous", no talking about a future together.
I get why Maria's upset; it seems like she developed feelings at some point, and is hurt that I don't return them. But in my trying to be kind, WITA? Should I hold any future FWBs at a distance so that they don't get the wrong idea?
TL;DR: Was trying to treat my friend with benefits well; she (probably) caught feelings and is mad at me for "leading her on". AITA?