Its only been three days, and we vowed to go no contact that only lasted 1 day lol.
But anyways ive been going through the emotions of the break up. And ive also been chatting with her on messenger.. and she legit seems fine.
So weird considering two weeks ago, she was talking about she cant picture her life without me.
She was pretty toxic so and I had broken up with her last week. Two days ago we meet back up and had a great day, then, yesterday we had another fight this time it lead to her saying we cant talk anymore that she g as to leave me alone
Its weird cause we've broken up before but sleeps never delete each other off social media and we always say will still be there for wmeach other, but this time everything was deleted and she kept saying how it has to be this way
I guess it feels unreal, I feel really bad. I feel like I lost my person
Whats crazy is just 10 days ago she we were talking Bout marriage. She was telling me how much she loved me and was obessed with me. Just two days ago she was kissing me all over and just so into me. Yesterday even she bought me fudge and this sticker that said home. Which is a reference to "home is whenevervim with you" its wgat we say to each other
Then she tells me the day we go broke <last sunday> up some guy started hitting in her, it sounds like though sge initiated it though, she kept bringing very vague about the interaction. But she claimed they were in a parking lot or something and she was checking out his car and they started talking sge claims she rejected his advances but the situation left ne wondering wgat really happened.
Shes had a history though of infidelity and frankly lying. She also has a history of telling me about interactions with men I guess to make me jealous. Heck, she admitted as much yesterday.
Anyways I feel sick, and dont know what to do.
She's posting reels on IG about how some people just can't accept all the love she has to give. In another one, a woman is singing a sad song about crying all night and not being understood amd loved by the man she wants.
I'm just sitting here like, "Bro, you treated me like dog shit." Sure, 50% of the time she was amazing, but the other 50% she was emotionally abusive. I kept giving her chance after chance, believing she could change. Now she's posting stuff that makes it seem like *I'm* the one who couldn't accept her love.
I tried accepting her love for a year, but she kept fumbling the ball.
I can't lie, this stuff still works on me. My boyfriend instincts kick back in, and I want to reach out and tell her how much I still love her, how all I want is for her to get it together and let me love her without her sabotaging everything.
But, I know it's futile. I know she won't change without therapy and time. I know she'll end up with another man someday, and hopefully she'll be better for him.
She was the love of my life in many ways. When we got along, it was movie-level romance. But she wasn’t able to get it together. We could have a great day, only for her to end it by saying or doing something absurdly insensitive or completely out of line. She became manipulative, gaslit me over the smallest things, didn’t keep her word, and so much more.
The other day was the last straw. She mentioned, in a “joking” way, (she was clearly fetishizing my bisexuality) that she’d like to see me sleep with her ex. For context, she actually pointed him out to me at the very restaurant we were sitting in. It was strange and unsettling.
The week before that, she told me my dick “could be a bit bigger” (I’m over 7 inches). The week before *that*, she almost broke up with me because I went on a day trip without her, even though she had refused to come.
The same day she made the comment about her ex, she realized it was weird and uncalled for, and she was apologetic. The next day, I wanted to make sure she wasn’t still involved with him in any way, so I asked for his name. She snapped on me, called me jealous, said I can’t let anything go, and so on.
For context, she had a history of keeping in contact with exes and even meeting up with them. She also had a history of cheating. I’m not sorry that her comments were still on my mind the next day. She had a habit of saying crazy shit, and after a while, it really messes with your head.
There’s so much more to her, there are so many red flags I could write a book. Deep down, I hope she gets help, because I won’t be the last man who unfortunately dates her. Her last boyfriend, the one she left for me, got it even worse. Poor guy.
Anyway, I still feel this trauma bond to her. In a few days, I’m sure she’ll turn the charm up to 100 and start messaging me about how she’s changed and will be better. She’ll do the usual love-bombing: future marriage talk, etc.
But I have to learn not to fall for it again. She’s unwell, and it has seriously messed up my own mental health. I’m planning on seeing a therapist to work through the constant gaslighting and to figure out why I allowed myself to stay with someone like her.
This relationship taught me something I had never experienced before: female emotional abuse. We always hear about men being the abusers, but when it’s the other way around, I’ve noticed there’s not much sympathy. I’ve felt a lot of shame as a man because of this, and I’ve felt very alone dealing with it.
So if you’re a guy who’s also been emotionally abused, just know you’re not alone. And hopefully you don’t carry the same shame I did. Try to get help. I know it’s hard to leave, but lean on your friends and make an exit plan.