u/Any-Bear-2981

I (30F) recently went on a few dates with a guy from a dating app. After getting out of a long-term relationship, I wasn’t looking for anything serious, but I genuinely cannot tell if I’m overreacting or if this man is just a walking red flag wrapped in dopamine.

He works construction in his father’s company and has a 5-year-old son. I honestly didn’t even realize he had a kid at first because I didn’t fully read his profile (my fault). But when I found out, I actually thought, “Okay, what’s the big deal?” and surprisingly, it didn’t bother me.

The chemistry in the beginning was INSANE though. We could talk for hours, even if it wasn’t super deep. On our first real date, after lunch, he literally grabbed me and started making out with me aggressively. I think my brain got hooked on the dopamine rush immediately.

By the third date, we slept together.

And then it was like a switch flipped.

Suddenly, he started criticizing EVERYTHING:

\- my apartment isn’t clean enough
\- what I eat
\- how much I eat
\- what I drink
\- that I should work out more
\- commenting on bruises on my body, saying “that’s not okay”
\- saying I should “do woman stuff” while he “does man stuff” (while also asking to split the bill)

Then, when we were outside together, he randomly said he doesn’t want us to “look like a couple,” and I thought to myself… we are not a couple??? Which felt rude because I never even asked him for commitment in the first place.

What really messed with my head is that the more we talked, the more attached I got to the idea of him as a father. He absolutely adores his son, and honestly, seeing him with his child was the softest, most loving side of him. It made me wonder:

Can a genuinely loving father still be emotionally shitty to women?

Anyway, after he kept acting cold and critical after sex, I finally told him:

“I wanted something casual/FWB but with mutual respect, and I don’t feel respected, so I’m done.”

He never replied to the message.

But he kept liking my Instagram stories???

So eventually, I told him not to bother me anymore.

Now I’m trying to move on, but it’s weirdly hard. I feel almost chemically addicted to the validation/intensity. Meanwhile, this man follows hundreds of half-naked Instagram models, updated his dating profile to “father of my monster (his son’s name),” and apparently lied about his age (he’s 32 but put 30).

I genuinely cannot tell if:

1. he’s emotionally unavailable and immature,
2. I got love-bombed,
3. or I’m just attached to the dopamine rollercoaster.

Why do some people completely change after sleeping with someone? And why am I mentally hooked?

I (30F) recently went on a few dates with a guy from a dating app. After getting out of a long-term relationship, I wasn’t looking for anything serious, but I genuinely cannot tell if I’m overreacting or if this man is just a walking red flag wrapped in dopamine.

He works construction in his father’s company and has a 5-year-old son. I honestly didn’t even realize he had a kid at first because I didn’t fully read his profile (my fault). But when I found out, I actually thought, “Okay, what’s the big deal?” and surprisingly, it didn’t bother me.

The chemistry in the beginning was INSANE though. We could talk for hours, even if it wasn’t super deep. On our first real date, after lunch, he literally grabbed me and started making out with me aggressively. I think my brain got hooked on the dopamine rush immediately.

By the third date, we slept together.

And then it was like a switch flipped.

Suddenly, he started criticizing EVERYTHING:

\- my apartment isn’t clean enough
\- what I eat
\- how much I eat
\- what I drink
\- that I should work out more
\- commenting on bruises on my body, saying “that’s not okay”
\- saying I should “do woman stuff” while he “does man stuff” (while also asking to split the bill)

Then, when we were outside together, he randomly said he doesn’t want us to “look like a couple,” and I thought to myself… we are not a couple??? Which felt rude because I never even asked him for commitment in the first place.

What really messed with my head is that the more we talked, the more attached I got to the idea of him as a father. He absolutely adores his son, and honestly, seeing him with his child was the softest, most loving side of him. It made me wonder:

Can a genuinely loving father still be emotionally shitty to women?

Anyway, after he kept acting cold and critical after sex, I finally told him:

“I wanted something casual/FWB but with mutual respect, and I don’t feel respected, so I’m done.”

He never replied to the message.

But he kept liking my Instagram stories???

So eventually, I told him not to bother me anymore.

Now I’m trying to move on, but it’s weirdly hard. I feel almost chemically addicted to the validation/intensity. Meanwhile, this man follows hundreds of half-naked Instagram models, updated his dating profile to “father of my monster (his son’s name),” and apparently lied about his age (he’s 32 but put 30).

I genuinely cannot tell if:

1. he’s emotionally unavailable and immature,
2. I got love-bombed,
3. or I’m just attached to the dopamine rollercoaster.

Why do some people completely change after sleeping with someone? And why am I mentally hooked?