u/Any-Balance-6023

Did my first session last week with intramuscular injection of ketamine. I think I k-holed (did not know about this before). Pretty high dose I think. A lot of sadness and fear, crying and panicking. I felt this needed to come out but it was hard and scary and painful. Next session on Tuesday and I am scared to go through that again, even though that may be the process. It takes so much courage to go through this. I know these are the feelings that are inside of me. I tend to not want to feel them. Fear is not a good feeling. It is the worst ever. But I have had this feeling all my life. So sick of it. I want to be done with it. I have CPTSD and I would like to feel better. Sick of the nightmares, the flashbacks, the hypervigilance, etc. So tired. I wonder if my nervous system can take it. I know I am supposed to let it happen and lean into it, but it is so scary. Does it get better? Must I feel so much fear to stop being afraid? Is that the process? Any tips on how to manage this? I am going for sure but the stress is unbearable. I know that this is my last option. I have tried everything else. I need a bit of encouragement. I have no one to talk to about this.