My son‘s first birthday is coming May 31. My SO and I were deciding whether to do a party or go on vacation. Ultimately, we decided on a party and moved forward with booking the venue, which is a soft play area with a two hour party window.
My SO also has a 7YO son from a previous relationship, and lately him and the mother have been butting heads and not communicating effectively. When the mother reached out to my SO about their son having some difficulties in school, he also mentioned that we booked the party (we told her on 4/23, so it’s over a month’s notice for a 5/31 party) and that he would appreciate it if he could have their son that day so he could attend. She got upset and said we have no consideration and didn’t think about their son or his schedule because on that day he has karate, a school activity, and was invited to a baseball game with his aunt. The thing is, he JUST started karate, so it’s not like this is some long standing commitment that’s always been part of his schedule. She also said we didn’t include her in planning the party date (date wise).
My SO let her know that he understands there are other activities planned, however, his little brother’s first birthday is quite significant and he would really appreciate it if their son could attend and spend time with his dad’s side of the family.
She then reached out to me saying the same things. I told her that regardless of what she thinks, we always consider him, it’s just that we don’t coordinate with her when things are still in the idea stage. She responded that as soon as the idea pops into our heads, she should be the next person alerted because their son’s schedule is “booked” about a month in advance. She then told me to think about moving the party to the day before to accommodate their son.
I told her that regardless of what his plans were for that day, I wouldn’t have changed the date of my son’s birthday and neither would their father because it’s planned on the ACTUAL DAY HE WAS BORN. I also made it clear that if he can’t make it, we are more than willing to plan something separate with him another day.
She still called us inconsiderate and said she will let him make the decision for that day and she’ll make the “best decision” for his interests and needs. I love my stepson very much and I enjoy spending time with him and seeing how much he loves being a big brother but his mother drives me up the wall sometimes! Is she being too demanding or am I not understanding?