I (20M) am in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend (20F) for 3 years. We meet approximately once every 3 months.
Around 2 years ago, I found out she had deleted chats with a boy whom she said was like a “brother” (they had a sister-type relationship). There was also a ❤️ emoji which she hid from me. We had a big fight about it. When I asked why she deleted the chats, she said I was being possessive and that if she told me, both of us would get hurt, so she deleted them. She apologized and said she wouldn’t hide or delete chats again. I gave her another chance.
After 2 years…we would often meet once a 3month
This month (April), when I went to meet her, At the same time, she had opened a new Snapchat account.I asked her to log into that account. She said she forgot the password and that it was linked to her grandmother’s number, and the phone was at home so she couldn’t log in. When I tried to check, she reacted differently and asked if I was doubting her.
Later, when I checked, the Snapchat account was actually linked to her own number. She said she forgot and thought it was her grandmother’s number.
After that, I asked her to log into Instagram, and I saw that the same boy was sending reels, recently in her college, there is a friend she says she only shares college-related memes with on Instagram. I saw that he was sending reels, but there were no previous chats visible When I asked if she deleted the chats, she said yes.
How can I communicate my concerns clearly and set boundaries about transparency and deleted chats in this situation, especially in a long-distance relationship?