(Sorry in advance if the writing is all over the place and a bit confusing)
I (17f) recently went on a trip to another country with my mom (50f) and my grandma. Now, this trip was supposed to be a chance for me to see my long-distance best friend, but every since we started planning this trip, my mom had been more focused on planning activities that she wanted to do(typical tourist stuff.) She loves planning, and I understand that sight-seeing/tourist destinations are what you’re supposed to do when you travel, but her plans left me little to no time to spend with my friend alone. I was a kinda annoyed because it felt like this trip was now about what she wanted to do, but I understood that I wasn’t the only one going on this trip. In the end, I did get to spend time with my friend, following my mom’s schedule, but we were together so that’s all that matters. I still wanted more alone time with her though, so she ended up staying over with us at our airbnb on the second night.
Here’s where things go very wrong. It’s day two: mom, grandma, friend, and I were all coming back from dinner with friend’s family. For a really long time, I’ve wanted to do my friend’s makeup, and we had both been really looking forward to it before the trip. My friend didn’t have many makeup products of her own so we wanted to buy some before we got back to the airbnb (at least get her personal brushes and sponges so she wouldn’t have to use mine.) My mom also wanted to stop by a convenience store not far from the airbnb so we thought we’d just look for some cosmetics there. Well, we didn’t find any so my friend looked up cosmetic stores and there was one two minutes away. I told my mom that we were going to a store that was really close by and we’d be right back. To emphasize the “close” part, I said “two minutes” which, in hindsight, I probably should’ve been more clear. I said it in our native language, and in my mind it made more sense, but now I realize that it wasn’t as clear as it should’ve been. Instead of “two minutes away,” my mom took it as “we’ll be back in two minutes.”
So I went to the store, following my friend who was using google maps. I wanna add that my friend doesn’t live in this area, hence why she needed the map, and I was obviously not using my head. In a country I had never been to before, I was completely following my friend’s lead. We bought what we needed from the store (took a lot longer than two minutes) then left. I’m not trying to use this as an excuse but I am really bad at directions. I did not pay attention to how we got to the store and I did not remember how to get back to where my mom was. As we walked, I was completely clueless and without worry. I assumed that my friend was taking me back to the convenient store but instead, she lead me back to the airbnb, and I didn’t realize where we were going until we were already there. I kind of panicked and took my phone out, and the second I did, I got a text from my mom asking where we were. (At this point, I wasn’t aware that she thought we were gonna be back in two minutes.) I told her we were at the airbnb and I was sorry. I thought it would be easier to tell her the situation later than to type everything out. And I won’t lie, I wasn’t too worried about defending myself and offering explanation. My relationship with my mom had been rough way before the trip, and I didn’t expect her to hear me out.
Let me just say I don’t blame my friend at all. She doesn’t my language so she didn’t understand a thing when I was telling my mom where we were going. The miscommunication part was fully on me.
When mom got back with grandma she was furious. Due to past experience and also not having the energy to defend myself, I kept the explanation simple and short. I also was not about to say my friend’s name. I think initially, all I said was that I didn’t know we were going back to the airbnb and if I knew I would’ve told mom. As expected, she didn’t hear me out. I, not wanting my friend’s name to be uncomfortable and also trying to preserve my peace, decided not to say anything further and shut the door to my room.
My mom was absolutely livid and she was fully convinced that I lied to her and made her and my grandma wait on purpose. The walls in our airbnb were super thin and I could hear her yelling and complaining to my grandma. She was saying things like, “she did it on purpose,” “how could she make adults wait like that,” “what’s the point of this trip if she’s gonna act like she’s here alone,” “I can’t even complain cause she’s gonna hate me,” “one minute she’s nice the next she’s cruel.”
I just had to listen to her yelling and screaming while I tried not to react or make my friend uncomfortable. She could hear everything, and even though she couldn’t understand, I could tell she was really uncomfortable.
Later, mom sent me a few messages and screenshots of my location history to prove that I lied? She said, and I quote:
“If you wanted to go home early just say so. Don't lie. I hate that you chose to lie. If you wanted to be with your friend or wanted to go back to talk on the phone with your boyfriend, just say so directly. Don't leave the adults waiting outside in the rain. That's very bad behavior. So bad. Liar.”
The boyfriend part is a whole different discussion but it’s another thing that she disapproves about me.
The next morning my grandma told me that I should’ve told them I was going back to the airbnb because she had to wait for me for a really long time. I told her that it was a misunderstanding, that my friend and I both misunderstood. I don’t know if she believed me, but no one brought it up for the rest of the trip.
We were also supposed to have breakfast with my friend’s mom but my mom texted her saying she wasn’t going anymore and she was very tired.
Later, my friend mentioned that she felt the way my grandma and mom act seems a little toxic.
So yeah, was I being an asshole daughter in any way? I feel really bad for kind of ruining the trip for everyone but at the same time, I know it was an honest mistake and I couldn’t have known it was going to happen. The only thing that I can say for sure I did wrong was not communicating clear enough- which caused the misunderstanding.
Was refusing to defend myself any further the right move? I felt like arguing back would only escalate things further, because it has happened before. But I don’t know, maybe I could’ve made things easier if I just gave in and yelled a little. Apart from how I handled it, I’d also like to know your opinions on how my mom handled the situation. I don’t think I have enough “expertise” to say this but sometimes, I can’t help but think she’s a little emotionally immature and quick to make assumptions which she always believes are right. Anyway, I’d appreciate any thoughts opinions. Thank you!
TLDR: I caused a misunderstanding but refused to engage after my mom didn’t believe my explanation and said a bunch of awful things about me. Should I have offered more explanation instead of allowing her to continue to believe that her assumptions were right even though I thought she probably wouldn’t have believed me anyway?