Can The Empowered Wife help this?
This is half a vent and half a cry for help and advice.
My husband (37) and I (35) have been together for 11.5 years and married for 4. We both work full time. I get home around 5 but 2 days a week I work from home. He doesn't get home until 7 week days and then works on Saturdays, but the length depends on whats wrong at work. when I get home, I try to workout, walk the dog, cook dinner and take care of the house. He’s usually tired and his feet hurt when he gets home so he doesn’t do much.
We have gotten to the point of a nearly sexless marriage. It’s actually laughable that we say we are trying for a baby because in 2026, we've had sex 4 times…and half of that was last month. I keep track because I track my cycle because “we are trying”.
He says that we just need to have more sex. I agree. Then nothing. Last week he told me that he couldn’t wait to have me at the weekend…then nothing. No initiating or even mentioning it. I don’t feel like we are playful either.
Sometimes I try to makeout a little, but he just tells me that he has a Zyn pouch in and that just kills it for me. I mean its kind of a mood killer to have to ask if I can makeout with my husband.
Another thing that kinda hurts is when I get told I’m the lowest libido woman he’s been with. I feel like there is a level of comparison there and it makes me self conscious. I know have issues and really want to work on them. I’m a people pleaser and struggle with self abandonment, so naturally that transfers into the bed room where its gotten to a point where sex ends up being all about him where I struggle to enjoy it, but I want to work on that. I’ve tried talking to him about it. How tho if we don’t have sex?!
Don’t get me wrong. He’s a loving man and really does treat me well. He loves to touch me, like sit on the couch together and hold hands. He comes home and always says “I just want to hold my wife” but I feel like we are missing something.
I know this is long and I apologize for it being a bit of a vent. I’m just I. My luteal phase and it’s really bothering me.