So for some context, I'm 16F and they are 16, we will call them S. We've been best friends for three years. Their mother recently passed, she treated me like her own daughter and we were so so close. It's been three months, and I was over at their aunt's house (they live with her) we were chilling and suddenly we both were talking about nudism. Then we basically stripped and poured wax on each other, for some reason I was like, WOW what a awesome bonding experience between best friends.
Anyways two days later we were on their bed and we were talking about um.....well. Bdsm. I guess. Ahem anyways, we were arguing about who would be the better top, I thought it was like. A joke. Then They pinned me down and tried to kiss me. I was startled and I moved my head. They apologized profusely and I asked why. "For trying to kiss you." And then I said that I didn't mind. We kissed. A lot. I've never had my first kiss before, and I didn't feel....anything. I immediately had a panic attack and was sobbing and hyperventilate with her comforting me and apologizing. I calmed down and we said we'd talk about it in the morning, when she immediately got on her phone and started texting who I thought was her crush. (17M not that it matters)
We ended up deciding to be together in a open relationship. I felt terrible about it because I felt like I was lying to her by acting like I felt the same way. Well, it's been a month now and she's been my first time in....everything. It's been absolutely wonderful, genuinely we've had a friendship for years and I am truly in love with her. When I kiss her I feel an explosion, I don't know why it took me so long but I feel amazing. Now here's where it gets messy. I've made her orgasm several times. However. I can't. She hasn't been able to make me finish, and don't get me wrong I really don't mind. I feel incredible anytime she touches me, but. All S wants to do is to make me finish. She's really upset about not being able too. But I don't even know what that looks like? For me? Hers looks like a gush of water, is that what all orgasms look like???
Basically reddit, I come to the wrong subreddit to ask this. I cannot talk to any safe adults about this and I really need to know. How do I get myself to orgasm and what is it supposed to look like?? I'm so sorry guys 😭😭