u/AntelopeNeat9757 — reddlx

Hi. Posting here because I’m a little lost, and having a really tough time mentally and physically from a very recent physical attack.

Long story as short as I can make it, my very abusive ex fiancé and his new girlfriend & their friends physically attacked me, they beat me and stole from me, they legit stole all I had.

I guess I’m feeling like it’s my fault because I shouldn’t have went to my old county, (it’s just a county over from where I moved to after I left him, we were together for 8/9yrs) I legit left everything to him, all I’ve known, all I had. My house, my car, my dog, my wallet, all forms of ID, all my clothes except what I was wearing, I quit my job because he knew where I worked and I just wasn’t safe there either, I ran out the door while he was asleep and never looked back. I left with someone he didn’t know, a friend I made online that lives hours away from me. If it wasn’t for them I don’t think I’d be alive, but anyways back to this recent attack.. I went there to handle some errands as my local Walmart had no one there to cash a check I very much needed cashed. I recently just got out the hospital, I just had surgery. I’ve been very behind on things and wasn’t really thinking about him or them being anywhere near, I wasn’t thinking they’d see me. I know now I shouldn’t have went and I regret every bit of it.

While they’ve been making threats on every social media platform I have had, it all came from accounts with fake names/ no profile pictures so legally there was nothing I could do. They also move around alot and when taking out papers on someone here you have to have an address to put on there.

I’m physically hurt, I had a concussion. Lacerations all over my body from being dragged literally. Cuts, bruises, over all in a lot of pain still but that will all heal, it’s the mental aspect of it that’s really fucking me up right now. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, every little bump scares me. I literally locked myself in my bathroom, and didn’t come out for I don’t know how long. I no longer have the means to protect myself, because they took my gun out of my car. I know I could’ve stood my ground with the girls, but him? No. He’s beat me before, he’s almost killed me. I know if he gets to me before the cops find him he’ll likely finish it this time. (They left the location before police got there, because police took so long to respond, as always in this shitty as county near me) (A very kind stranger helped me, and if it wasn’t for him I strongly believe they could’ve, they would’ve killed me)

Every time I close my eyes, I see him. I see them. Attacks from when we were together that I was working thru in therapy are now back replaying in my head along with this recent one.

My therapist has upped my medication, along with some new ones but even with them it’s still hard sleeping, eating etc.. I’m still terrified.

Right now I’m in my car, I think I’ll start staying in it. A couple hours away from where I stay. I don’t even know how they know where I stay, they had to follow me here?? Or something. Idk. I just can’t sleep. It’s 4AM right now. I’m exhausted but I just can’t. I feel like I can’t breathe. Panic attack after panic attack, nightmare after nightmare.

Just when I thought I was healing from the damage, it all floods back and I’m right back where I started. All progress made in therapy was for nothing.