Hey everyone, I need to write this and get it out as it's so confusing and cruel and I feel that maybe some people on here will relate to this post or know the feelings I am going through, as much as friends and family are shocked about what has happened, some just don't get it although their intentions are very kind...
So you may have seen on my previous post, my amazing best friend of over 10 years (or so I thought) offered us the most precious gift of being our surrogate (we are a couple, early to mid thirties), sadly due to various health issues, my eggs are not a viable option for successful pregnancy which has been a common discussion as friends do over the years that we have known each other...and eventually as time went on, I met my amazing husband in those years of our friendship and then her amazing offer of giving us that amazing gift presented itself, full of love and probably the most amazing thing a best friend could ever do for me...it was going to be risky, she had successfully had 4 healthy grown up children but being 48, it was a slim chance that pregnancy would be viable and also very high risk. The fact she was willing to take that chance for me was one of the kindest things (or so I thought)
Tests were all done and confirmed that albeit lower chances, but yes she could conceive, and magically we conceived on our first try, myself and partner being excited IP's, with my partner being genetically linked to the baby, thus as we all know, in the UK one of the IP's needs to be biologically linked for the surrogacy process and this proof is required when the parental order is being processed etc...
This is where the story starts to twist and has broken my heart completely, after the positive test was confirmed, just as normal our friendship continued, we even got matching tattoos, our usual daily phone calls about all sorts happened, life continued all whilst growing our baby.
As humans, we all have instincts and sadly something just didn't feel right but I didn't know just how crazy things were about to become...
The pregnancy was confirmed by the doctor, bloods taken and an early scan booked in due to her being in the High Risk category, so far so good.
However there were some inconsistencies, appointments kept changing, communication changed. Things just didn't feel right or it felt like something was being held back from me....
It comes to the big 3 month scan, where myself and my husband, can't wait to reach this milestone.....we have a group chat setup at this point, sharing clothing ideas, room decoration ideas, yes it may have been early but we had names and a future planning out surrounded by our wonderful creation.
2 weeks before the 3 month scan, I noticed a shift in energy from our surrogate (my best friend) she seemed to be going 'off radar' communication slowed or was ignored...
I tried to communicate with her about the level of communication, offered to help and support and generally just be her best friend if anything was going on....I was worried about both her and the baby.
After our conception in January, my best friend at some point between pregnancy confirmation of our child and up to March 13th she lost the baby (we don't know when exactly) , this wasn't by accident sadly, unbeknown to me and many others , for some reason she had decided to go on particular binges of let's say 'illegal white powder' and alcohol, combined with other behaviour not expected of a surrogate leading to the loss of our baby....yet knowing that she did, she continued with the idea/lie of being pregnant to both me and my partner.....I mentioned March 13th as on that date, she randomly sent me a clear blue test confirming pregnancy (even though we already knew this important information) , I found it strange at the time as we were already well into the process. She just wanted to reconfirm as she said...
This was an immediate red flag as the clear blue test said 1-2 Weeks pregnant when that did not fit with timelines at all...what ACTUALLY had happened was that yes she was pregnant with our child however, lost it due to her selfish actions, all whilst we supported her legally financially, emotionally and with kindness. She then thought she could cover her tracks and we since found out she then got re-pregnant on early March, which would add up to the test sent on the 13th, she did this and this is the worst part as she wanted to then continue our surrogacy with us BELIEVING that the baby was ours , even though it was confirmed via her and other that she did this to keep the lie going, leaving me with a million questions (why would she think that was ever a good idea, surely we would have found out at some point, surely she knew that meant it wouldn't have been a surrogacy, it would have been an adoption as neither myself or husband would be genetically linked) So many questions of just how cruel someone can be...
The worst part of it all, is about 2 weeks ago, whilst us still thinking that our baby was growing (albeit a little concerned about her behaviour) she realised that the walls were closing in and that the truth was going to come out, leading her to abort the baby that wasn't ours but then lie to us about her miscarrying our baby....how sick is that ?
We were led down the garden path and yes there was many times we were stupid or didn't question enough, she lost our baby via her bad choices, then tried to cover it up by having a random mans baby, realised it was all going to come out when the baby was born, booked an abortion and then faked a miscarriage for 'our' baby.....
The loss of the baby and grief has been unreal but the cruel lies from a best friend and the hope that has been crushed has been unimaginable, sorry for the long post but I needed to get my thoughts out the last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of heavy emotions and we are back to square one but now even more scared about continuing the process.