I feel so much hatred every day
My psychiatrist, my friends, just random people, I can't think of anybody I would like in the slightest. Recently I was cracked by a psychiatrist, Lucifer, I lied even to her, a person that needs to hear the truth about me, and when she figured, and when she did I had to hold myself not to lash out on her. And my own lying will probably backfire on me one day, as sometimes I start to forget where I lied, just from the amount of them, they probably already notice it. And honestly - I don't even want to get better, everything might be bland, but I feel right at home, I just seek a way to keep everything in place. And of course, a way to let out this hatred at least a little, I usually feel fine about it, but at times it becomes frustrating, everything feels so dirty, as if covered in a thick layer of mud. And I can't even talk about it with anybody, as this will go against my image, I can't talk with anyone about any of it, really, I don't want to lose even more people, but I want for these side of my problems to be seen, I can't keep this to myself anymore. Hope I wrote everything coherently