Hello, everyone.
This is my first time making a post on Reddit, but I need help.
I’m 21 and I’m married. I’ve been with him for years, and we have a baby together.
I came from an abusive household, and I got into a relationship with him right after I got out of that situation. I went from being a broken teenager to a girlfriend then wife then mom all in the span in a couple of years.
I never discovered who I am.
No one in my life likes him. No one that loves me. Not my siblings, not my friends.
We are both very toxic and cruel to each other. We have been since the start. But we both stayed. I’ve tried everything I can think of. Lately, I’ve felt disconnected and like he’s completely changed from who he used to be. He never does anything for me anymore. He comes home from work (I’m a stay at home mom by the way! With no money of my own, and no job) and immediately gets on his phone to play his game. When I try to talk to him, it’s short answers. He won’t do the one thing I ask him to which is to take out the trash. He hardly helps me with the baby. I’ve tried talking about it, it’s always the same thing: “I’ll try to do better”. But better never comes. When we argue, he screams at me and belittles me and calls me names.
I’m only 21, I have my whole life ahead of me. I feel like it’s better to leave now than stay and try to make it work and get divorced when I’m 50. I’m scared because I have no money. I don’t know how it would look with custody. I don’t want to be away from my baby. And how would I even leave with no money? Does anyone have any advice that could help me?
Also I’d like to mention. I’ve discovered in the past few years, I hate who I am as a person and I’m trying to better myself. I realized I complain way too much, I’m annoying, hard to talk to, I played the victim, you name it. I hate myself. I’ve told myself I need to have self confidence and become a better person and treat him as well as I can and see if he follows suit and if he doesn’t, I’ll finally know it’s not all my fault and that he’s awful to me even with me being the best wife ever and the best person. Please help!