I legitimately don’t know what to do
Cliffnotes backstory: wife and I have been separated for 4 months. She left at the start of the year. A couple months prior to this, she let me know that she was unhappy, but no matter what I did to try changing things and fixing things, she became more and more distant. She refused joint therapy and everything. I’ve taken full responsibility for everything I did wrong (depression, burnout, weight gain, job loss, short stint of coke usage), and she still brings it up semi regularly. There was a guy, a “friend” that she had been talking to a lot. Constantly. For months. I caught a text message on her phone on NYE that said “I want to kiss you” and that was it. The end. She didn’t want to talk about it, she just wanted to leave.
Flash forward. Separated, I see her maybe once per month. She’s hesitant, but we remain cordial and there’s no anger involved or any real animosity. Just walls up. I’ve been trying so hard to give her space, work on myself, and offer the availability to do anything that is needed to reconcile. Well, last week a friend of mine sent me photos of her and this guy cuddling together on a couch while hanging out at her friends house. This guy is also engaged. She doesn’t know that I know. I wrote a letter that I intended on sending her, but I’m really struggling. I’m really, really struggling. I love her beyond measure, even though the last year has been hell. I just want to embrace her and remind her that she’s the love of my life, but deep down my gut tells me that it’s over.
I’ve been working hard on myself this year. Been sober for 11 months. Lost 70lbs. Developed routines. All that good stuff. It’s all I can do at this point.