Experiences of those who felt OAD and changed their minds?
Hi folks,
I want to preface my post by saying I understand (and completely agree with!!) the following: (1) if it’s not two enthusiastic yeses, it’s a no, and (2) there is no such thing as trying to convince someone to have a(nother) child- it’s something they have to come to/want on their own (see (1)!)
My husband and I have been together over ten years. At first we thought we would remains child free, and then decided (together, without any coercion of any sort by one or the other) to indeed have a child- and that we would be one and done.
We ended up struggling with infertility and are so incredibly lucky to have been able to access IVF and now have an amazing miracle baby. Unfortunately, my labor/delivery was pretty traumatic (baby and I both almost died). My husband struggled with postpartum depression afterwards, at least partly (although likely not wholly) from the birth trauma.
I was very shocked to find that even through everything (formerly not thinking I wanted kids at all, to wanting one and only one, followed by the birth trauma), I’ve started to think about maybe I would want one more. Now, this is a loaded proposition, because we might be one and done due to further infertility issues (we have a couple of embryos left but there’s a good possibility the transfers won’t work), due to financial constraints, etc etc etc.
But all of that aside…my husband has made comments that he continues to be one and done. Realistically, if we were even to try again, we would be looking at a 3-4 year age gap (this would be due to finances alone, let alone everything else, even if we were both on board with having a second child).
As I said above, I would NEVER, EVER try to convince my husband to feel differently- not my place, not my right.
But My question is, for those who WERE one and done and changed their minds, what was your experience/timeline? I’m particular interested in those who identity as men/non-birthing partners, especially if you had a tough time in the postpartum period like me husband did, but of course, any and all perspectives welcome. Thank you for reading and wishing clarity for all those questioning!