In the spirit of this weeks upcoming fast and testimony meeting (that I will not be attending, thank jeebus), I would like to share my testimony of the residual blessings of paying tithing.
For the entirety of our marriage (up until we recently joined the heathen horde) my wife (27f) and I (27m) paid 10% on every penny that our broke asses ever received. As such, we were blessed with the bounties of heaven and material wealth. Such blessings as: we starved to death zero times and even afforded rent. This was not because we worked nearly full-time through school, but because we paid the lard his due.
Having been so blessed by tithing, we lived in fear of the financial consequences of our apostasy. The dread nearly overwhelmed us as we prepared our QuitMormon.org paperwork for the notary this past week. How would we get by without the lards handouts from heaven? Despite our apprehension, we forged ahead with the appointment.
After explaining to Lane, our very confused notary, that we were trying to quit an expensive magical underwear subscription we signed up for as children, we signed the docs and I prepared to pay the agreed upon $20. As I presented my credit card, to my astonishment, Lane told us not to worry about paying as our plight was too weird for him to charge.
So I now bear testimony to you brothers and sisters, that the lard loveth his money such that despite your sins he may yet bless you for your previous tithing donations even after your spiritual death. Amen. /s
I waxed a little sarcastically eloquent there but in all reality this did happen. My wife and I can't get enough of all the stupid little things we used to give jeebus credit for that were actually just chance or others being kind. Shout out to Lane at UPS and QuitMormon for doing actual charity!