u/Angel_of_Tuesday

I've been best friends with my partner for about 3 and a half years now, and we've been dating for just under 2. For almost the entirety of the past 3 years, we've been talking consistently about trying to get into the same college when we were able and moving out of state/country together; it's always been one of his biggest dreams and desires, and it was mine as well up until just a few months ago. I've realized since then that, among other reasons for wanting to stay in my homestate, I don't think it's a smart decision based on the current state of the world/job market/economy etc. I'm scared to bring the topic up with him though because I don't want him to be disappointed or break up with me once he knows our goals aren't aligned anymore. However, I'm realizing that holding this conversation back is effecting the way I'm interacting with him and I want to just rip the bandaid off and get it over with.

I have a few more reasons for wanting to stay close that I'll list for more context. I'd also like to emphasize some of my boyfriend's reasons for wanting to move so far away.

My reasons:

• Our original plan was for me to take 1-3 gap years to be the primary provider while he starts his pre-med track. In a state like Washington or New York where he wants to go, I no longer think it's reasonable for us to try and survive off of a single, highschool-backed income.
• My boyfriend's father very well off and plans to move to his second home down south after my boyfriend graduates. My boyfriend claims that his father would prefer that he take over his current house alone while in college and that he thinks I'd be allowed to live with him, which I think is much more doable in terms of money. It's also close to my family, which I'll elaborate on shortly.
• I've been dealing with a lot of medical issues that have yet to be diagnosed, and I don't want to have to start my whole proccess over again and find new doctors in a new state.
• I currently live with my single mother and my younger sister (12F) who I love very dearly. My sister struggles with autism and currently has no friends outside of our family circle and a few elderly neighbors, and the thought of leaving her as her only true companion makes me sick to my stomach. Additionally, I have an narcissistic father who is currently estranged due to his living situation, but I feel uncomfortable leaving until my sister is of age to denounce his right to custody (14 in my state).

His reasons:

• My boyfriend has a very poor relationship with his family, particularly his mother, who lives about a 30 minute drive away from his father's house. He's afraid that if he were to stay in the state, he would have an obligation to see her often (he says at least twice a week).
• As he's planning to go into pre-med, he wants to find a school that with a good medical program for him to carry over into. Our state doesn't have the greatest schools when it comes to medicine, nor do the states on its perimeter.

I guess I'm wanting to know two things in the end: one, am I reasonable for not wanting to move out of state right now based on the details I gave? And two, how do I go about this conversation in a way that won't crush his dreams or invalidate his needs? I love him more than life itself and I really want to find a way for this to work out for us.