How long did it take you to find someone who actually reciprocates communication and accountability?
For those of you dating or wanting to find romantic and/or sexual connections (or really anything involving more intimacy), in your dating "journey" how long has it taken you to find fellow neurodivergent folks who actually care about putting in effort to reciprocate to a meaningful connection?
All that I keep running into when it comes to dating fellow neurodivergent people is ghosting, flakes, and unwillingness to take accountability when any difficulty or conflict arises. I feel terrible about lumping people into a category but I keep seeing patterns that confirm my hesitancy and skepticism when people say "you'll only find acceptance and belonging among other ND people." I'm a self-aware AuDHD'er who's psycho-socially-educated, and emotionally capable in my thirties (but I don't present as the stereotypical archetype of the hetero male if you saw or interacted with me) and have dated in both neurotypical and neurodivergent populations and keep running into the same problems:
- With NT people, I give my absolute best knowing their standards are quite higher and it's not good enough for most of them so I end up burning out, even with my "advanced" knowledge and skills at taking on emotional labour in a balanced and reciprocal manner that feminist theory has rightfully identified as a problem area in most cis-heteronormative relationships. I haven't dated NT women for a long time after learning the language of autistic burnout and masking, and after building my own grounding and personal awareness, I've been told to focus on the ND demographic instead...
- But with ND people (supposedly those who I should find a good match with), I give my absolute best and keep my expectations lowered knowing capacity limitations so I can be fair to my fellow neurotype without masking, yet they don't show up for me or reciprocate what I have to offer.
I feel stuck in this cycle that has been going on for over 10 years since I started dating in my twenties. How and where do I actually find people at the same level of readiness as myself?