Me, F18, fell for a boy 3-4 years ago. Me and Dio, M18, were basically “tinadhana”. First day of school palang, I hated him, but the teachers shipped us. Enemies to best friends to lovers ang trope namin. I didn’t want him at first kase he was one of those boys at the back, at ako yung complete opposite non. Pero, we learned na ang Dami pala naming things in common, our birthdays were two days apart, we liked the same music, style, we went through the same experiences in life also but reacted differently.
Fast forward 2 years, inaya niya ko sa university na 8 hours away from our hometown. It was a very prestigious university and both our families were proud that we got in, under the same program, Architecture. One night sabi niya sakin, maybe I could let him have Architecture. Kase doon lang daw siya bagay, doon lang siya passionate and I was ambitious enough to have multiple dream careers. I couldn’t say yes, kase inapplyan ko sa lahat ng applications ko ay architecture, to be with him. I even got into better schools and state universities, scholar na dapat ako kung hindi lang ako inaya ni Dio. Pinilit niya ko, he said he couldn’t do this without me, of course, pumayag ako.
Enthusiastic kami parehas noong umpisa, demanding ang course, terror ang profs at mataas ang standards. We easily got drained, I kept going but Dio was having some difficulties. Akong di kaya siyang panoorin sumuko sa pangarap niya, stupidly started to offer doing some of his workload. Kaso, during the times that I was doing his essays or plates, or research, he spent his free time on games, scrolling or friends.
Week before midterm ends, I snapped. I was angry at first, then I felt empty. I had been there for him for every hardship and sickness he faced, he didn’t even need to ask for help, I just noticed. I became sick and restless, but he didn’t put much effort into caring for me, he still had the nerve to ask for favors.
Now, Dio isn’t totally toxic, he’s just dependent. He’s kind, funny, but he is still chasing the teenage boy in him, he lacked consideration, he lacked consistency and eventually started failing severely.
I had enough of it, I was failing myself to pass him, kahit maiusad lng siya at pasang awa ako, okay lang if it meant we’ll be able to fulfill the dreams we made together. But I couldn’t handle seeing myself fail, I told him I needed time alone, that I didn’t know if I still want us, that I was tired and I needed him but he wasn’t there. He tried changing, but I stayed stubborn. After two weeks we got back together, but he told me he gave up on our dreams and left our university. He couldn’t handle failing also, so he just dropped everything and gave up.
This. This terrified me shtless. I was crying every other hour. I knew this was for the best. I couldn’t handle us sharing a can of tuna and only eating every other day on times we had no budget, I couldn’t handle seeing us fail, being degraded and disappointed. I couldn’t handle seeing him suffer. Dio left me here, miles from home. I chose him over scholarships, the comfort of my home and friends, and without remorse, he left so he could transfer somewhere closer to our hometown, come to his family everyday and hang out with his friends after school.
I am devastated. I’m proud of him for having the guts to give up, even after spending around ₱300k the past year just to afford his dream school and dream program. I didn’t have the luxury to do this.
So, here I am. 8 hours from home, 8 hours from Dio, the boy I fell so helplessly in love with the I sacrificed so much for. Since then, my mental health has deteriorated. I cry at groceries, in the bus, every night. Not just because of Dio leaving, I was grieving over the plans we made. I was crying over being left alone, no close friends, no shoulder to cry on in a city far from home, with a program I invested in that I barely managed.
Do not, make life changing decisions so young over your partner. Do not sacrifice yourself for their wellbeing. And do not be so desperate like me.