Lost during sex..
Throwaway because I have friends and family here.
A few months ago, my (34m) wife (35f) announced that she doesn't like me touching/sucking/doing-anything to her nipples. I am a boobs-guy (for the lack of a better term) so this came as a shock to me because everything seemed fine for all of those years. Then recently her belly button also became out of bounds. She would let me touch her vagina sometimes while other times it's a no-go. We have been together for 10 years, married 6 years and have a 3 year old. Our sex has been mostly vanilla for a while now already. I talked to her about it, she said she has never enjoyed this and only just letting me know.
Now I do want to acknowledge that I respect her boundaries here. Her body her choice. But this has left me in a situation where I am completely lost during sex. I am constantly thinking of where my hands are?, am I too close? Did I accidentally touch her nipple? Will she be ok with me going down on her tonight?
Our sex life has been going downhill for the past few years. No amounts of talking and discussing and planning seems to be working. On top of all of that, this kind of sex has become suffocating to the point I am thinking of throwing in the towel and accept a dead bedroom (since I initiate 99% of the times, I know the bedroom is pretty much dead as soon as I stop). But I do make this final attempt to understanding and having a discussion.
That final attempt brings me to reddit as well, specifically hoping to hear from people who have dealt with similar out-of-bounds body parts during sex, how to best approach the discussion with sincere attempt of understanding and finding a way workable for both of us.