Growing resentment towards my LDR partner
Hi everyone. This is partly a vent and partly me looking for advice.
I (26F) have been with my boyfriend (26M) for almost 6 years, all long-distance. For the past 2 years, we’ve been seriously discussing me moving to his country so we can finally live together. The problem is that I need a visa, and for us to qualify, he needs to earn above a certain amount (not even that high, just above minimum wage) and have a fixed work contract for about a year.
The issue is that he’s a freelancer and genuinely enjoys that lifestyle. He’s never wanted a regular job, so I understand that this is a big ask from my side. Still, he’s always reassured me that he wants us to take the next step and that he will get a job because, realistically, it would only need to be temporary.
But after 2 years… there’s barely been any action.
Yes he's created his CV which great, but he's only actually searched or applied for jobs on his own a handful of times. Every time I bring it up, he gets visibly anxious and says the whole situation makes him feel a lot of pressure and responsibility. Because of that, I stopped asking and decided to let his actions speak for themselves.
Unfortunately, that silence has turned into resentment on my side.
I feel like I’ve been emotionally stuck in limbo for two years, waiting for our life to move forward while he continues living normally. And I know this sounds horrible, but sometimes when I see him out having fun or posting on social media, I get angry. My brain immediately goes: “How are you just chilling while I’ve been putting my life on hold waiting for you?”
What makes this harder is that he is a good partner in many ways. He talks to me every day, he’s loyal, accountable during conflicts, emotionally supportive, generous, and when we’re together in person I genuinely feel loved and cared for.
But lately during long distance, the communication hasn’t felt as fulfilling to me. I’d like us to call more often, but he says he’s too busy. Sometimes I feel like he’s no longer that interested in my inner world or daily life.
So now I feel extremely conflicted. I know he loves me. I’ve even suggested breaking up before if the pressure of changing jobs for me is too much, and he’s always strongly rejected the idea. He insists he wants a future together.
But at the same time, he won’t do the one thing that would actually allow that future to happen.
I’m starting to feel emotionally drained by the whole situation, and honestly, some days I can feel myself turning resentful and almost hateful toward him because of it. I love him a lot and don’t want to feel this way - it's not fair on him either.
Has anyone been in a situation like this before? How do you tell the difference between someone who loves you but is struggling… versus someone who simply isn’t willing to make the sacrifices needed to move the relationship forward?