u/Ancient-Account-2920

Lost my dog of 12 years and 4months almost 2 weeks ago Aja (Asia). She was a chihuahua long haired mix of sorts. I have barely been able to talk about her without crying, I ordered pictures of her and when they were delivered I looked through a couple before breaking down and having to put them away.

I got her when I was 17 and I’m now 30, she was my one constant in life and feel so lost without her. Just the lil things like he greeting me at the door, looking at her spot and her not being there, her following me room to room just being near me.

She had periodontal disease and we had an incident in January where she was barking at my other dog over a chicken nugget guarding it, he ended up grabbing her by the jaw for 2 secs and by then the damage was done, broke her jaw and took her to the ER vet immediately where they advised I needed to put her down but I couldn’t do it. I paid for them to keep her for the night and took her to the regular vet the next day, where they gave me the same news that there wasn’t anything they could do. They told me maybe a specialist could save her jaw but they didn’t seem hopeful with how bad her periodontal disease was and said that it was a matter of time before her jaw broke anyhow.

I made the appt to see a specialist but after finding out she also needed cleared from a cardiologist for a heart murmur I opted out. I decided I would just keep her on pain meds and antibiotics as long as they would let me and let her live for a little bit longer til she went on her own. She was still eating, drinking, being herself.

Even the night before she passed she was begging for a hotdog and I was like we don’t have any girl and so I opened the fridge and she spotted one I missed and stared at it and so I cut it up and gave it to her so glad she got one last hotdog that was her favorite thing.

So from January to April I got to have more time with my girl. Then she started this cough in April that lasted a week, her final morning I gave her a bath and groomed her a lil (very thankful I trimmed her bc I have her hair now) and the cough got worse afterwards and can’t help but think if I hadn’t gave her that bath she’d maybe had more time. But I gave her the bath and she just kept coughing making this weird noise and we were leaving for a trip that day so I called my grandma to watch her just in case since the other person who was gonna watch her couldn’t it was just a day trip but didn’t want her left alone. We get in the car and drive over about 30mins and she didn’t wanna sit with me in the car she laid near me and I pet her a bit as soon as we got to my grandmas I open the door to let her out and she collapses.

I grab her and run to my grandmas yard and yell for her and tell her Aja’s gone I was so calm and not freaking out which is not like me at all. But I ended up attempting CPR and get my mom on FaceTime and she lived just a min away and she hurried over but on FaceTime she told me to stop that it was mean what I was doing but I just had to try. I got her back for just a minute she breathed some more and her heart was beating again. I knew she was gone though. So I tucked her in my arm and laid in the grass with her and just pet her until her heart stopped beating. My mom showed up around the same time I told her her hearts still beating but she’s gone mom. I waited and few mins later she was gone. I finally lost it when we wrapped her in a towel I ended up unwrapping it to kiss her over and over once more.

Part of me is glad I was there to be with her in her final moments cuz I could’ve dropped her off and that could’ve happened shortly after we got on the road. I hate the way it went cuz I wanted to save her and have her for as long as I could. I loved her her whole life and guess that’s just the way it was meant to go. My mom called the funeral home and I took her to be cremated. On the way I held her and tried to do paw impressions on clay I picked up.

Later since I did go on the trip after all just delayed I was sitting there bawling my eyes out and look up and seen a rainbow, I’d like to think that was my baby telling me she was ok.

The funeral home allowed me to come in on Monday as this all had happened on Saturday to try again with her clay impressions since they didn’t work out in the car. I got a hour and a half with her doing impressions and attempted a casting of her paw which didn’t turn out perfect but it was nice enough to have. I did ink pad on her nose and paws and the clay once more. I held her for the last 15mins I was there just telling her how much I loved her and was going to miss her and sorry I couldn’t save her. Hardest goodbye I’ve ever had I wanted to tell her I’ll see you later but kept reminding myself that I won’t this is it. I miss her everyday and will never forget my baby just wish we had more time together.

Thank you for reading I just needed to get this off my chest today.

At a loss I have been a stepmom for about a year and a half to 3 kids ages 4, 6, & 9. I have my own son who is 9 as well who has autism. My son is very routine and can usually be shown something once and gets it. The other kids I don’t understand the helplessness that they have. The 6 year old I have the least problems with it’s more of if she wants to do what is asked not so much being helpless as the 4 & 9 year old. My biggest issue with her is having to tell her to pick up her socks it’s almost daily like girl u know where they go but u just want to throw them wherever. But back to the main issue just this morning the 4 year old boy had his shirt and shoes on, no pants so I told him go get ur pants on…he left the room went to the bathroom and came out 5mins later no pants shoes still on so seemed like he didn’t even try. I then point out there are pants on the table (didn’t match but we’re taking the other kids to school so it’s fine) and he looks around on the floor and I point and say they’re on the table he then goes and looks UNDER the table… I said on again and he grabs the shirt not the pants and starts putting the shirt over the shirt he has. I once again said take ur shoes off and put the pants on. He is capable of doing this task is what is so frustrating he has done it numerous times but today it was like I don’t wanna even try so I’m going to make this as difficult as I can so maybe u will do it for me. He then sticks both legs in the same hole and looks down and won’t engage he gave up. Sulking just sitting there no longer trying so his dad goes and finishes the task for him but I don’t understand why it had to be a whole ordeal. These kids love to say I can’t without even trying most of the time and I can’t deal with it anymore. The 9 year old girl is just the same as the 4 year old she doesn’t want to do something or seems a lil too hard she “can’t” she will confidently say she knows how to read and spell but then we give her her words for her spelling test she defaults to idk she wants you to feed her the answers. And honestly I don’t think her teacher is helping much bc when she is given a test at the end of the week her teacher will give her some points if she’s able to understand what she meant or if she’s got the sound right and I think it should be how my spelling tests were u either got it right or u got it wrong no half point cuz it sounds like it could be right. She just wants to sit on her tablet and do nothing all the time. But dare we take away a toy or even the iPad she throws a fit like a 2 year old. She asks questions constantly that she knows the answers to example being like she sees me in the kitchen cooking and will ask me if she can have a snack or see the pop on the counter and ask do we have any pop..like girl I saw u look at it… I just don’t know what to do anymore they test me so much. Their mom lives 5 hours away and doesn’t come to see them very often it’s usually 4months they go without seeing her tho she calls about every other night or 3. Then the 9 year old will use that time to basically “tattle” and be like dad took away my iPad and sometimes her mom decides to lecture their dad and be like I don’t see why u took it away blah blah blah. Well lady u aren’t here day to day and sometimes I don’t agree with him either but I don’t blast him in front of the kids I’ll ask privately. It’s gotten to the point that the 9 year old will already know what she’s gonna say is gonna make her mom wanna talk to dad so she’ll start walking to him while she’s telling her mom whatever. Just seems so manipulative and calculated so I don’t understand why she can’t do so much apparently when u know what tactics to use on ur mom to get her griping at ur dad. I could go on and on and on but I’ll stop here I know it’s a long read but I am lost and don’t know what to do anymore.