​
Firstly, I'd like to apologize in advance for my poor english skills, as english isn't my first language.
—
Alright, so I feel like it's starting to get harder to live day after day ever since I graduated from high school just a few days ago, and the only person who checks up on me online just decided to abandon me (likely, because I'm tedious person to begin with) and it's taking a heavy toll on me.
Right now, my parents are insisting me to search for a university to get into and I'm having a hard time doing it especially when I'm currently struggling with mental health problems.
Not to mention, searching for and applying to one is not an easy task either, especially when you did poorly in school - It just adds up to the stress.
—
Sometimes, I wish I were normal like everyone else around me. I get really envious when I see people who managed to live a normal life, have friends who they could count on to, and be mostly happy in general. Unfortunately, that's a piping dream for me.
Throughout my whole life I always feel like an outcast. I get bullied in elementary school, ignored in middle school, and bullied again in high school — It's not a good experience and I'm afraid it will influence how I'll function in society.
It just lowers my self-esteem and makes me want to choose the easy way out so that I don't have to carry the burden anymore.
—
Right now, my only way of coping is smoking cigarettes and listening to the same song on repeat (Unwell by Matchbox 20) and I don't like the fact that I have to choose smoking as a way of coping because I know it's very harmful and I can't think of a better way to cope but it makes me feel better.
—
TL;DR: I'm fucked up