How do I break up with my partner of 10 years?
I (30F) have been with my partner (40M) for 10 years.
It all sounds so stupid to even ask but I’m scared so here I am asking.
My partner and I met when we worked together. We quickly moved in together and within 6 months, I was pregnant. Everything was fine…until when my son was about 6 months old, he choked me for the first time and kicked me. This happened probably 8-10 times over a 3.5 year period. In 2021, i told him I was going to leave if he didn’t stop. He stopped physically assaulting me. He’s always been verbally abusive, but not consistently. Everything was fine for about couple years.
I need to make a side note and say he’s never been a true partner, I pretty well do everything.
In 2024, he started a new job. He’s a bar manager, so he would go to work but then not come back until like 6 am the next day, 5 days a week. I even asked him once if he was cheating on me.
In September of 2025, i found out he had been seeing a girl on and off since 2020. And he also had a serious 1 year relationship with a girl he worked with. She’s 20. We broke up. But because i’m trauma bonded and thought he really meant it when he said he would change and help around the house, i took him back. He lost his job in May of 2025 because of the 20 year old.
Its now about 5 months since i took him back. He still has no job. But he says shit like “i’m tired of seeing dishes in the sink” when I work full time and do every single chore in the house. My mom watches our son. He literally does not do anything. He only cleans his gaming room.
I’m scared of him manipulating me, i’m scared of him hurting me, I’m scared of confrontation with my son in the house.
How do I go about this? Can I really just say to him “I can’t do this anymore”
Side note: the house we live in is owned by my parents. There is no lease agreement.