Howdy yall, so my husband (46 top) and I (30 bottom) have been together for 10 years now, married for 8. I would say that we are pretty happy for the most part. We are very much opposites, but in a way that we have learned to deal with productively. For example, I am kind of a neat freak and he is much more ok with things being pretty messy so I keep my side of the room neat and do not freak out over his area being chaotic type of deal. A lot of aspects of our lives have tended to work out in ways like this to minimize conflict and for the most part I am fine with it. There are a few things that we seem to really struggle with though and I wanted to call upon the collective knowledge of this community for guidance. I would do anything for my husband and I want to build our relationship stronger but I am struggling with these two things.
I have a relatively high sexual libido and my husband is as celibate as a monk. It was not always like this. For years we were super passionate with each other. He would send me all sorts of naughty texts, talk dirty with me, and generally could not seem to physically get enough of me. A few years ago this all changed though. I am physically in the best shape of my life. I legitimately think I look better than I did a decade ago and am willing to do anything to make him happy, but no matter what I do he does not seem to have that spark for me anymore. He never initiates, never. He is willing to basically have pity sex with me once every week or two at most when I tell him that I need a release but there is so little passion. It basically just feels like masturbating. Like legit I go clean myself, get the bed ready, he plops down on top, I lube him up, get him hard, ride him to completion, then clean us both up. Rinse and repeat not a word said from him. If I do not ask we will go months without him touching me. I've talked with him about this numerous times and how bad it makes me feel. How undesirable it makes me feel to try and stay in good shape like this to just be ignored by my husband. These conversations seem to make him feel bad, which is not what I want, but despite talking like this for years now nothing ever seems to change. I imagine a lot of couples go through this or something similar at one point or another and just wanted to see what advice yall might have to offer.
My husband seems unwilling to spend actual time in the moment with me. By this what I mean is that anytime we are together he is glued to his phone, on social media. His excuse is that he is here with me. We are together but mentally he is completely in his own bubble. We cannot even enjoy a TV show or YouTube video for more than a minute or two. He is hopelessly addicted. I have told him that he should try to wean off of it, but he seems pretty unwilling or unable to put down the phone. Am I being too controlling by wanting to actually have real shared experiences with him?
Sorry for all my bitching. I am just so lost on what to do right now. I have tried everything I can think of and I just do not know what to do anymore. I want to strengthen our marriage. Is my only choice at this time to concede and accept my situation the way it is?