Buckle up this might take a while.
Husband and I (both 32yo) have been married for 3 years. I have a daughter and was a single mom and we got one together so smallest is only 3 now.
Yes we married just after her birth.
He was still studying when we found out I was expecting. He made a decent salary as well back then. But the pregnancy destroyed my relationship with my brother and mother in law. They said I caught him with the pregnancy as well as that I’m a whore.
Some time later we also found out his best friend also added some lies and till today I only know of one. He said I called my brother in law and then fiancé low life people.
I come from a bit of money on my dads side and nothing from my mom. So I saw struggle and wouldn’t ever say that, especially as they were doing much better than me.
Now I refuse to see them or engage in any conversation.
Brother in law and wife have now integrated and we will soon join them. But as I planned from the start I wanted to go to a completely different place as them and luckily it sounds like we can go.
This is very far from them and they say I did it purposely. I did! I checked and did homework and all and they knew from the start we were planning on it as it will be easier for both us and the kids.
I just don’t know if my marriage will last.
I saw a lawyer for divorce, I even got papers at one point that husband refused to sign.
The big one is that I cheated 2 years ago.
He left again and the last time that was most significant is when I was still breastfeeding our baby. I only breastfed for 6 months of her life so it was with a newborn. He took his bed. I gave mine away as his was better. So I used my dads old bed. No bedding as I gave it all away.
We stayed with my dad as husband did articles and his pay was very little and just covered his dept.
He did dishes when he was there and some laundry but I handled most things. My dad cooked and payed all bills. When my dad worked in the yard my husband played games. I took his dinner to his pc and he played a lot of games. He also got up for nappy changes and once we used the bottle he did that.
He left us 3 times by then for a week. I did it all alone except the dinner as my dad always cooked. The 4th time he left I asked a rich old man to take care of me and my kids. Husband also lost new job as his time was almost up and he felt he didn’t want to be let go so he quit. 3 months of him not making a cent and playing games.
I slept with him once. Then husband came back and I took care of us using my company money and got old man to invest and grow my company.
I got a house of our own where my company was and bought everything from food and paid rent and more but old man wanted more socks and I didn’t want to. So he made it hard and eventually a year of staying and working non stop I couldn’t handle it. I told my husband and he gave old man a shiner and so we couldn’t work together. Husband again lost his job but did help with sales for my company.
Now we live off the money from sold assets and trying to start over.
But, in the years I got like 10 massages. I asked so many times for more. Sometime ago I tried having spicy time as much as possible and send spicy photos but nothing changed.
We haven’t celebrated one single anniversary and this year for my birthday I didn’t even get a massage.
I’m depressed and bitter. The only time I get any touch is if it will lead to spicy time.
There is no communication between us or we fight.
I also saw his phone, there is just big boobies and black leather on. He also had 4 dating sites on his phone that he claimed his brother did when they were drunk. 3 on one day and days later another one. It isn’t on his phone now.
There was also AI girlfriends recently and redit articles on it and he still says it was research.
I don’t get compliments, only when I have a full face makeup on and is dressed up. But last time he also didn’t approve of my outfit so yeah mainly asked if I will be comfortable with it.
I don’t even cry anymore, at one point I slept on the floor, in the car or in the bathroom. He heard me crying and would do nothing.
I don’t think I’m even getting bare min. I think back on past relationships and even the worst of the worst found me attractive and didn’t want me to cry.
There is so much I need to get out but I don’t even know what was the worst.
All I know is that I’m empty and can’t communicate any of it. I don’t even know what to pray for anymore. Been crying to God that he sees what I give. I feel God is silent and long suffering might be the hardest fruit to bare.