Edit: he definitely didn’t view porn, his phone was in the kitchen charging.
If you saw my post yesterday, you know a little about my situation. It’s been seven months since my husband and I have been intimate and six months since d day. We have truple and he says he’s in a flatline. I do believe he’s been in a flatline, as he said he has zero desire to look and feels dead down there. The past two weeks he’s been kinda of initiating at night by feeling me a little bit then it stops. I don’t know if he’s half asleep or what. During the time he was viewing porn, he would initiate at night and we’d have sex.
He is white knuckling and doing zero recovery work. I know this won’t work, he’s tried for two decades ( I was in the dark).
I am in a hyper vigilance stage and noticed on Sunday he was being quiet and avoiding me, and I noticed my lotion was moved when I ran an errand. I was pretty sure he self pleasured, but had no proof. I do not believe he watched porn. Just now, I got up early to work out and he slept in. I just saw that the lotion was 100 percent used because it’s a clear bath and body works bottle and the lotion is at the top and hasn’t settled to the bottom yet. Yes, I know I sound completely crazy about the lotion, but WTF?! I don’t know if I should be glad he is getting some sort of libido back or pissed that he is using his sexual energy to self pleasure, most likely to thoughts and images of porn that have been burned into his brain. I’m fucking pissed! While I’m on the treadmill, watching podcasts on porn betrayal and how to have hard conversations and set boundaries, he’s doing that?! I had convinced myself that I was bringing it up today, that’s it’s therapy or something serious is going to change. I was also going to bring up masturbation. I feel like that should not be happening right now. I’m so fucking hurt all over again. Someone please get me off this awful ride.
What do I say to him? Is it reasonable to give a no masturbation boundary? Do I tell him how I know? Part of me wants to shout fuck it, I’m out. If he can’t prioritize our marriage and get help and wants to continue to jack off and have his own sex life with his hand, then have fun.
I’m done begging to be loved.