u/Ambitious_Bowl_7234

This is a continuation of my post from yesterday:

https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/s/7y1XUYMy42

After I posted it, in the middle of reading comments and responding, my husband came into the kids room. I slept there with both of my boys and he just told me the police wanna speak to me. I was like “seriously? this is what we’re doing?”

I step out and sure enough three officers stand at our doorway and ask me to step out. They get my side of the story. They check me for any marks or bruises and since I didn’t have any and my husband did, they handcuffed me. They walked me to the cop car as I cried about how unfair it was that he could abuse me for years but the moment I fight back I’m arrested. The officer that took me explained that it’s state law here to take me in due to the slap leaving a mark. I asked if my husband knew they were taking me in. He said they were going to go tell him.

So they leave me in the car and go tell him, then come back and drive off. I soon arrived at adult correctional, got booked, and was in prison for the next 12 hours. Never in my life had I committed a crime, never even underage drank or smoked weed. And here I was in jail for slapping my husband who was throwing all kinds of verbal abuse in my face. I face a misdemeanor charge for battery and domestic violence in court next month.

I found out once I got out what happened during my time locked up. My husband had freaked out when he learned they were gonna take me to jail. That wasn’t part of his plan. He KNOWS I’m not actually dangerous. He just heard me mention divorce and custody in our argument and was preemptively trying to get me on record as unhinged and unfit. He did not know in this state it would be an arrest and misdemeanor regardless of whether he pressed charges or not. The state had a case against me and was moving forward anyway. He called my sister and my mom and my brother and my dad all in their separate households. And told them what happened. My dad hung up on him. My mom asked how could he. My brother told him to keep him updated because he didn’t wanna talk to him further.

Then my husband drove to correctional facility I was at and tried to plead for my release. Learned it doesn’t work like that and he has no control over what happens next. My sister kept in communication with him for our kids. She helped him find out about my bond and he paid in full the several thousands. Apparently he was REALLY struggling with the kids at home for those first few hours without me. Our baby exclusively nurses and without me he had to go out and get formula which the baby rejected. He wasn’t able to go to work because his mom couldn’t handle the kids alone.

He struggled and now he was REALLY anxious to get me out. And when I did get out I took an uber to my sister in law’s house. My brother moved to a city 30 mins out and I was able to stay with him. My husband wanted me to go stay at our house (with his parents which I refuse to do, his mom has been particularly vile the last two days and really fanned the flames against me, riling him up to call the police on me) while he stayed at a hotel. I said no and instead had him bring me the kids at my brothers house. Despite insisting a day ago he would always have the kids, a half day with them made him change his mind.

All communication has happened through my sister and brother. I refuse to talk to him right now. He wants to make things right at court but there’s little he can do for me. He will pay for my attorney out of guilt and speak to my character before the judge and beg to drop the charges. My family hates him right now. Probably most of them always will. He has potentially ruined my future with a record. I’m a resident, not a citizen, and this could impact my future filing. He feels awful and told my brother he believes he failed as a husband and a father and wishes he could turn back time. He should’ve never said the things he said to me, never should’ve yelled the way he did, and never should’ve called the police.

He feels he ruined the family in one night (it’s been years of this but yes the call to the cops was an irreversible move) and is devastated divorce is the only option for me now. Well of course - why would I be with a man who sent the woman he claimed to love and mother of his children to prison?

He has always been very reactive, then calms down and is apologetic. But too far is too far.

Thank you for reading all my words to everyone that has. I carried a lot of guilt and reading all your comments on the last post helped keep myself from blaming myself and forgiving him, the endless cycle I was stuck in all these years. I may delete these posts later due to the legal matters now at play but I appreciate what this community did for me in these last hellish 24 hours.

I actually can’t believe I’m typing this out. I’ve never posted here before but I read a lot of posts and take advice from others in similar positions however I currently cannot compute anything I’m feeling.

I slapped my husband. Twice. And because my nails are overgrown I cut him and he bled. We’ve been struggling for years, since our firstborn. I have experienced a lot of abuse from him, verbal and emotional. He’s never outright hit me. But he’s shoved me into walls, doors, manhandled me, grabbed my jaw and yelled in my face, grabbed my hair and yelled in my face. And for whatever reason I’ve forgiven it every single time.

Today we got into a nasty argument. I was overstimulated. We have a (likely autistic) low verbal toddler with emotional regulation problems and an 8 month old that’s a stage 5 clinger. I am struggling every day. He moved his parents in with us against my wishes a few months ago so his dad could work for out here with him in the city we’re in. I said it was fine to their faces and smiled and have tolerated the stress of it. But today I was really fed up. He commented during our argument that I haven’t been happy enough and for once he would like to come home to a happy wife. I said this didn’t feel like home (we’ve been hopping around furnished rentals since moving to this city) and he said of course not, since I’m not the one who cooks or cleans (implying only his mom does which is very untrue).

The argument continued escalating until I finally exploded about how frustrated I am with having to live with his parents and I said I was overstimulated and tired and sleepless. I wanted out of the argument and out of interacting. He wouldn’t stop and called me an ungrateful bitch a bunch of times.

I walked to him and slapped him twice and he bled from his cheek. He started recording immediately. He went to his parents room and showed them. He called my mom on video to show her and told her he was divorcing me tomorrow and keeping the kids. She pretty much said divorce is none of her business but the kids shouldn’t be without their mother. My mom has lightly suggested a few times that I leave him over his anger issues.

Now he’s transferred those issues to me. He is accusing me of domestic abuse. I have recordings of him cussing me out in the car. My friends and family members have witnessed his emotional and verbal abuse. One cousin has also recorded him being aggressive verbally towards her and kept the recording. I’m not worried about how he will paint me because I have enough corroborators to prove that this was at most reactive abuse from years of him. I do not believe I will lose custody of my kids over two slaps regardless of how hard they were.

And yet I feel such a sense of dread and anxiety over what’s about to unfold. I feel a sense of relief to be rid of him as I have wanted to escape this situation for so long. The constant name calling, demeaning, and how he’s broken me down over the years. But I’m fearful for my future, for what my kids will go through, and for how hard I know he will fight me for them.

I can’t believe we’re going out like this. I should’ve left a lot sooner. I feel terrible about putting my hands on him. I do not think it was right. And I wish I had controlled myself. I’m just at a loss for how to feel and what to do next.