Some days are hard
Ya, Mother’s Day.
Abusive/narcissist spouse made me feel like absolute shit. Am I shocked? Nope. Did I hope for better and hope maybe today was the day? Sure did Kids made me nice cards but fought all day. But I really really did appreciate the cards. Husband gave me a generic card and signed his name….no “love” no “you’re a good mom.” It wasn’t even a nice card, it was a funny card. No breakfast for this mom. No one spent time with me. He ordered dinner which was nice - table wasn’t clean and I couldn’t sit there, no room left for me. So I ate apart from my family. Then I expressed hurt over the day, and of course I’m the ungrateful person for wanting more and got told I was imagining things.
And then there is my OA/LD AP. We don’t talk on weekends which is fine and doesn’t bother me. But I’m sad knowing he did amazing things for his wife today. Did I secretly hope for a message? Of course. But I am not upset that I didn’t get one.
What upsets me is that this is my life and I know there is way better out there and the person I want it to happen with isn’t available. And if I ever do get out of this toxic and abusive relationship, I will be pushing 50 and that’s a bit late to be looking for true love. And I don’t believe it that anymore anyway - look at all of us cheaters. But man, sure would be nice to have someone that would at least wrap their arms around you and say you’re a good mom and the world is lucky I exist.
And rant. And sorry probably not the right sub for it.