I know this is going to be a pretty hectic story and seem a little crazy but keep an open mind and bear with me.
I started seeing/dating my partner a month ago. She is honestly amazing and to say we fell for each other is an understatement. I am usually calm and collected when talking or dating someone and I can account one other time I've felt like this and that was with my fiance when I was 22. So I know the feelings are real.
A little backstory:
We met on a dating site, I'm from the US...she's from Thailand. I don't like dating in the US because I feel a lot of women here have different priorities than what I'm looking for and somewhat different values.
When we first started talking things were really good, texting a lot usually responding within 10 minutes even at work, after a couple of days, we started video calling and started to have more intimate conversations. She had 3 days off and we spent that time video calling and getting to know each other personally. Even uhm, did things on vc. Things were great and we started falling for each other. We talked about a possibility of a future, we talked about meeting, having a daughter and she says she wants to have my last name.
I would say a week or two later her work started getting busy, she was hanging out with friends after work (which a lot of asian cultures do after work, hanging out with co-workers or friends and drinking after working). I understood and things were fine, we still called every night and fell asleep on the phone, texted a bit throughout the day. Still she speaks when available, texts go from every 10 to 30 minutes to now every 1-3 hours (minus our calls) which I understand...work is important, do your thing...
Things haven't changed about our future but when I try to discuss working on a visa and setting up a date for a meeting, she has stated that she needs to check with work and has told me sometimes she gets overwhelmed in certain things like future talks with no knowledge of what's going to come or me asking certain questions. Example (I know this is dumb on my part) but from the shift in the amount we were speaking until then, I just wanted to make sure she was ok and things were still good with us...I would say normal reassurance because I am a worry wort lol.
We took some quizzes we made for each other a couple weeks back when we decided to talk about exclusivity.
Our Quizes:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1YuxwzrbxJhAM-PkYadCI_wrgrw7kg3MlWxU_dxCfSus/edit?usp=sharing
About a week and 1/2 or 2 weeks ago, her work started getting busy (she works in a hotel and it's season for full bookings) so texting started to become more and more limited, but her words never changed...still saying things occasionally like I miss you and I love you or reciprocating it back to me when i say them. Calling before she clocked in, during lunch and when she got home...and still at night when we slept.
She's been sick the passed few days and 2 nights ago, the first night she said she wanted to sleep alone, obviously from having a pattern for this few weeks, I was thrown off but I understood because she wasn't feeling well. 2nd night comes, we're on video call and she says doesn't want to sleep on the phone...I start worrying thinking something was wrong but she reassures me there isn't.
This was our conversation after she said she wanted to limit our video calling:
Me: I asked if anything happened or if she was having second thoughts about anything.
Her: "I’m not upset or anything.I’m still the same. I just feel like lately we’ve been on video calls a bit too much. I’ve mentioned before that sometimes I need personal space.
Right now, I think we should give each other a bit more space. We can still call and video chat every day, just maybe not stay on the call all night like before. I get bored easily, and I don’t want to end up feeling bored of you by doing the same thing over and over.
I think having a little space will help us miss each other more. Sometimes I’m just tired from work and need to rest. I don’t want this to become a habit in the long run.
Like I’ve said, I’m not really someone who likes long phone calls, but I’ve been doing that with you. So please don’t worry too much about this. And I’m sorry if this made you overthink or feel uncomfortable.
Me:
"It did, only because our messages have decreased a lot too and when we talk I feel sometimes we dont get a lot out of each other
I want us to keep getting to know each other bit that becomes hard when our communication keeps getting shorter and shorter you know?
When the time comes where we do decide to start on future planning, like visiting or permanent visas, these will be a lot of what we have to show our relationship...you know?
And also after you said you werent so confident, then this...yeah it started to worry me...but also I know you have been sick and working so I am understanding in that sense. I just dont want to lose "us" in the process you know?
So if we limit our face time on call, can we at least have a little more meaningful conversation through texts so we can keep learning and build our love?"
Her:
"I just asked to reduce the video call time. I just said I didn't want to video call when I was going to bed. But it doesn't mean we'll talk less; we still talk as usual. It's just that lately I've been tired from work and I want to rest. Yes, we video call now, but we hardly have anything to talk about. It's like we're just seeing each other's faces because I'm getting tired and used to just seeing each other's faces."
Me:
"Well I'm always open to talk. And what are we going to do when we live together, all you will see is my face *crying laugh emoji*
And I do have a lot to talk about but you always seem drstracted with either coworkers, friends or the kids, there isn't much "us" time. Which I get, it's the life of a working part."
Her:
"I think there's a difference between being together and video calling every day but not meeting in person
So don’t ask me like that"
Me:
"*thinking emoji* is it because I will kiss you all the time, might bite you on occasion, cuddle you, make you delicious foods? *smiling hearts emoji*"
Her:
"Hahaah"
Me:
Jokingly - "*thinking emoji* so you kinda love me huh?"
Her:
"If i'm not love u why I will always say love?
pls I don't have feel for anything tonight"
Me:
"I was teasing, my apologies.
I know you love me...that's why I trust you in this. If you believe this will strengthen us, I will have faith in you ❤️
You just might have to remind me how much you miss me a little more and how cute my face is sometimes *crying laughing emoji*"
We get off of call some time later...
Her:
"ily take care and try to rest! I'm going to bed now"
Me: " I'm going to nap, luv yuu 2, feel better ❤️"
So some ending context:
We have "future planned" a life where we are married, happy, have a beautiful daughter or twins together. She has met my kids on video and adore them...they like her too. I have met her kids as well and her youngest told me a couple nights ago he loves me to the moon and back.
I just want her perspective in this so I can ground myself because I genuinely don't want to lose her over my overthinking if I am. Like I said, it's the first time I've felt this strongly about anyone in quite a while.
Thanks in advance ❤️