AIO for being mad that my wife thinks a phrase I used 10 years ago was "secretly" about my high school ex?
Ten years ago, when my wife and I first started dating, I once said je t’aime instead of "I love you." I had just bought her a book on ways to say "I love you" in different languages and I kind of thought it was cute; she thought it was "weird" and said she didn't like when I said it, telling me to stop. I dropped it, and in the decade since I’ve had to be careful because using other phrases in other languages or even saying words that sound like it can set her off.
Today, she misheard something I said as je t’aime and got upset. She then mentioned she saw someone we know using that phrase on Facebook and "quizzed" me to see if I knew who it was. I correctly guessed an ex-girlfriend from 25 years ago (my first kiss from freshman year). We usually laugh about how crazy this woman is because we both know her and she is a hot mess, but in this moment the mood between my wife and I shifted instantly.
According to my wife, this ex used the phrase in an open letter she wrote to her teenage daughter and then posted on Facebook. And my wife said that when she read it, it caused something to click in her brain because she always wondered where I picked it up. My wife is now convinced that the only reason I ever used that phrase 10 years ago was because of this ex. She accused me of still "holding a candle" for this high school girlfriend from over two decades ago and claimed that I used it because I was still thinking of that girlfriend when we first started dating. It didn't matter whatever defense I gave because my wife didn't believe it. I told her I wouldn't remember something like that from a not very serious high school relationship from 25 years ago and reminded her of the book I got her around the same time I first said *je t'aime to her, but my wife told me that she could tell I was lying and she couldn't believe I wouldn't just be honest with her. She went to bed upset with me and told me that she felt disrespected because I was still using a phrase she told me to stop using and that now she is convinced of my "true intentions" when using it.
I’m starting to get genuinely angry. I feel like she is inventing a fake reality to be mad at, and I’m spiraling wondering what other "secret motives" she’s projected onto me. I’ve been calm, but I feel like her behavior is completely ridiculous and I have a right to be defensive. I know she will probably be okay in the morning, but this is one of those things that she will continue to bring up for years and I will have zero footing or control over.
Am I overreacting by getting angry, or is this as absurd as it feels?