I have a long story but I want to keep it short. My mom became an alcoholic my freshman year of HS and it caused me a world of hurt. A lot happened then. Shes sober now and made her amends and all that and our relationship is better, but it takes almost nothing for all the bad memories to come flooding back. Her lying shitfaced on the couch, the dogs foot bleeding when she tried to cut her nails, having to move back in with my dad, my dad screaming at me, kicking me, throwing things at me, telling me I’m a freak when I was little. My mom leaving me when they divorced and I didn’t understand why mom and dad didn’t love eachother (I was very young).
Today in class a bunch of kids were talking about alcohol. They were poking fun at how some kid in the friend group was flexing about drinking but how they doubted it, he doesn’t have the balls, he’s the type of kid to think it tastes bad. My gfs friends agreed and she herself might’ve but idk. I got up and left. I was fighting not to cry right then and there. My gf agreed to go out to dinner but changed plans because she has a chance to do nothing today since she’s busy. I couldn’t tell her in front of everybody but I really needed that time with her. I need a hug or something. It’s been hours and I’m still thinking about everything.
I thought I was over all this but I’m not. The more I heal and the more I learn, the harder shit gets. There isn’t an “I’m better now”. It’s just maybe a little less shit than it was a month ago. Its progress, I know in my head its progress, but in my heart it doesn’t. Less hurt is still hurt.
Idk if all that makes sense. I need to get my words out somewhere.