u/Alykaa701

So I’ve been unable to work since 2021. Many chronic pain and health issues. My husband and I have worked out an arrangement due to our situation. He has to work full time. He works as a truck driver. Since I am unable to work, I’ve essentially because a stay at home wife. AKA my husbands assistant. And up until now, this arrangement works well. I do all the cooking and cleaning. He doesn’t have to do much of anything when it comes to home activities.

Now recently, I started going with him to work. Joining him for his drives, and helping load and unload his truck. I probably help with over 80% of the physical part of the job, a max of 3 days a week. I’ve been loving this as I feel it gives me a sense of purpose. I’m helping him. My whole life revolves around making his life easier. Now as much as I’ve been feeling better mentally because of this, physically I’ve been having some harder days. The house isn’t always clean, and I’ve been struggling to cook as much as I used to. Due to our single income, we can not afford a cleaner or to eat out pretty much at all.

So comes my problem.. he’s off two days a week. And on one of those days, I ask some basic tasks for I’m to help with around the house. And I’m not minimizing this at all’s usually it’s “tidy the deck” or help clean the living room, or empty the dishwasher.
He’s recently started telling me he doesn’t feel he should have to lift a finger in the home because he works all the time. This includes things like making sure he has clothes for work, making his work lunches, making all meals and snacks, booking doctors appointments, dealing with all of our paperwork and financials, etc. he says if my hoping him for work is impacting my ability to clean our home or cook our food, then I shouldn’t do it. Because I’m not living up to our arrangement anymore. But I don’t feel like I’m asking a lot if too much..
On one hand I agree.. I know I’m not “needed” at his job. But it’s also the first time in years that I’ve felt I was getting better mentally. Leaving the house is good for me.
I can’t get a job, I’m trying to get something sedentary for my health conditions, but no luck so far. I’m also very worried even in that case that I won’t be able to keep it on because I am unreliable. Now I think I’m going to have to stop doing the one thing that’s made me feel good about myself since losing my job 5 years ago…. I have no purpose in life except to be my husbands wife. I have no path or passion of my own. I’m no longer my own person. And my health limits my everything. I feel so trapped…

So I’ve been unable to work since 2021. Many chronic pain and health issues. My husband and I have worked out an arrangement due to our situation. He has to work full time. He works as a truck driver. Since I am unable to work, I’ve essentially because a stay at home wife. AKA my husbands assistant. And up until now, this arrangement works well. I do all the cooking and cleaning. He doesn’t have to do much of anything when it comes to home activities.

Now recently, I started going with him to work. Joining him for his drives, and helping load and unload his truck. I probably help with over 80% of the physical part of the job, a max of 3 days a week. I’ve been loving this as I feel it gives me a sense of purpose. I’m helping him. My whole life revolves around making his life easier. Now as much as I’ve been feeling better mentally because of this, physically I’ve been having some harder days. The house isn’t always clean, and I’ve been struggling to cook as much as I used to. Due to our single income, we can not afford a cleaner or to eat out pretty much at all.

So comes my problem.. he’s off two days a week. And on one of those days, I ask some basic tasks for I’m to help with around the house. And I’m not minimizing this at all’s usually it’s “tidy the deck” or help clean the living room, or empty the dishwasher.
He’s recently started telling me he doesn’t feel he should have to lift a finger in the home because he works all the time. This includes things like making sure he has clothes for work, making his work lunches, making all meals and snacks, booking doctors appointments, dealing with all of our paperwork and financials, etc. he says if my hoping him for work is impacting my ability to clean our home or cook our food, then I shouldn’t do it. Because I’m not living up to our arrangement anymore. But I don’t feel like I’m asking a lot if too much..
On one hand I agree.. I know I’m not “needed” at his job. But it’s also the first time in years that I’ve felt I was getting better mentally. Leaving the house is good for me.
I can’t get a job, I’m trying to get something sedentary for my health conditions, but no luck so far. I’m also very worried even in that case that I won’t be able to keep it on because I am unreliable. Now I think I’m going to have to stop doing the one thing that’s made me feel good about myself since losing my job 5 years ago…. I have no purpose in life except to be my husbands wife. I have no path or passion of my own. I’m no longer my own person. And my health limits my everything. I feel so trapped…