u/AlwaysABD

I went started back into college in the fall. I enrolled in as a transfer program that I'm should be due to graduate Spring of next year. With that, I'm starting to look into places that I can transfer to, preferably with online options. I don't have the ability to up and move like traditional students at this stage. I'm 39, I've got a family and a job. Every single one of the universities or colleges that I could transfer to are an hour or more away from where I live and that's just not practical for a daily option (especially with current gas prices).

Online options through local colleges/universities are kind of limited for the direction that I'm looking to go (non-clinical psychology) and I'm unsure if the limited options also limit my potential. I know that psychology is one of two of my top options but my first choice has virtually no online options.

Either way, I'm feeling a little bit stuck and it's both frustrating and discouraging.

I've been no-contact with my parents for three years now but Mother's Day still sucks, honestly. I do miss my mom but I miss the mom that I wanted my mom to be and that, very occasionally, she was. It doesn't help that this year her birthday falls on Mother's Day and I feel a double sense of guilt.

It's been on my mind for a few weeks now, poking and prodding at my reasons for removing myself and the reasons why I did. I don't regret it and honestly the idea of reconnecting, even for this day, is terrifying. I know exactly what would happen and I can probably script the entire interaction right here and now. But that doesn't make it any easier.

My daughter and I going to figure out what we're going to do and that helps, a whole lot. But at the same time, there's still that missing piece, even if it's intentionally missing. It's a tough mindset.